So I envision this becoming very long and maybe it's not the very best forum for what I would like to do, but it's what I've got so let's make it work. I STRONGLY desire feedback... this post will be useless without it! So your thoughts, your best tips, or links to your favorite blogs and sites are all most welcome.
Again we revisit the topic of being a SAHM (stay at home mom); specifically, in this time of so much financial upheaval, with so many people losing their jobs, is it really worthwhile to try and keep one potential wage earner at home?
First of all, this isn't to knock any mom who IS in the outside workforce, nor to suggest that she isn't being a good mommy if she is. My own mom (who is fabulous!) spent lots of time working due to our circumstances. I myself was a working mom for a few years- not really by choice, but making that sacrifice did enable Jeff to finish his education and get a good job that lets me stay home for the long run.
What I'd really like to focus on is how being a stay at home mom can actually be a financial plus for the family.
The first obvious benefit is that of not having to pay daycare or babysitting costs. Unless you have a super duper paying job, you will end up paying a big % of your income out for childcare.
Transportation cost- how much will it cost to get a second vehicle or even just gas and maintain the family's main vehicle to use it for your commute?
Wardrobe- Will you have extra wardrobe expenses to buy appropriate clothing for working outside the home.
Taxes- will the extra income put you at a disadvantage in income tax? Remember you don't get taxed on money you SAVE, only on money you earn! So learning how to SAVE $75 on your expenses is more valuable financially than is earning $75.
Psychological benefits- I know that it is hard (especially in our society when we are being told constantly that if we aren't earning then we aren't contributing) to "sit at home" when your husband is carrying the full load of providing on his own shoulders, but you need to consider what the extra stress of even a partime job will be on the family. Most of the time, even if both parents work, the mom is still the major worker at home. It just sort of happens this way. What happens is that we get a job to help our husband out, and end up being so stressed and overtired that he gets a grouchy wife. Mommy is the heart of the home. If Mommy is having a bad life, then so is everyone else. Regardless of the bon-bon rumor, most moms I know already have a full plate so adding more to it in the form of an outside job is really not good for the tone of the household.
So...what kind of things can we do to actively contribute to the financial success of the household? This is where you come in... I need your tips. Even if you think that everyone already knows it, post it. And as you read everyone else's tips, keep an open mind... not every tip will work for every household, but some of them might be just what you need.
I'll start.
We don't pay for TV (like cable or anything like that) we have a few shows we watch and we watch them online. You can watch Fox, NBC, ABC, CBS, etc online, also HULU.com is free and has many TV shows and even some movies for free.
Netflix is not free, but if you add in the availability of all the "watch instantly" movies available online, it may work out to be much less expensive than renting from a movie store.
We don't have cell phones. Well, we DO have cell phones, but not a plan. We get prepaid minutes from Tracfone to use for trips. Yes, the airtime does expire eventually, but paying $20 every 4-6 months to renew the phone number and get more airtime is far cheaper than any monthly plan we have ever found. Also, I never just buy it, I always search for coupon codes and get lots of free minutes.
Speaking of, coupon codes. If you are buying online, ALWAYS search for coupon codes first. I almost always at least get free shipping, if not a % off. just type in the company you are ordering from and "coupon code" in the search engine and stuff comes up. the sites are coupon cabin, retail me not, coupon codes and a bunch more.
Ebay is only a good deal SOMETIMES. I did get several super deals for Christmas gifts (a $100+ Thomas Train set for $35 including shipping) but I have also many times seen things go way too high, like within $2 of retail price plus shipping, so make sure you shop around first, especially for books, try half.com first.
For about $35 plus supplies, you can take Wilton Cake decorating classes at your local craft supply store. By the time you finish level 1, you can definitely start doing kids birthday cakes for yourself and friends, by the time you do level 2, you (with practice!) should be able to start selling them. I am out of practice now, but when I only had Joey and Jessi, I was getting orders probably once a month for birthday and baby shower cakes, mostly from church. It's not a ton of money, but it helps.
I cloth diaper. There is some question about the cost of extra laundry, but in our experience, buying disposable diapers does cost more, at least for us.
Buying bulk is a good idea sometimes. I can buy a huge bag of pancake mix from Sams for far less than buying JIffy at the grocery store. I know there are plenty of recipes out there to make your own baking mix, but the huge bags of Krusteez brand at Sams is about the same as buying all the ingredients and mixing it myself.
We recently discovered that our produce market has FAR better quality beef than the grocery store does, and for much less $.
For our family, the biggest enemy of staying on grocery budget is not having dinner ready and thus "having" to buy convenience food or go out to eat. My biggest defense against that is having a stock of freezer meals on hand. Yes, we have a plan, but to be frank, I don't stay on plan really well. I've blogged before about doing up bulk freezer meals so I won't do it again, but it REALLY helps prevent those don't-have-anything-for-supper burger and pizza runs.
We do like eating out every so often, and for us, the most frugal way to accomplish this is our local Chinese take-out place. Guess what... I can make white rice here for pennies... and ask them to substitute the rice for another side dish.
I also want to mention the option of bartering. As a society, we don't generally think of this, but it really does work. I was able to do a LOT of bartering this past year for Christmas gifts. Also, think about bartering or trading services such as babysitting. I used to clean in exchange for chiropractic treatments.
Please use the comment section to add your own best hints and links! Share ideas for cheap dates, cheap or free entertainment, and of course, how to lower household bills.
Thanks!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Every so often I will get some comments or questions that make me realize that it is time to share (again) what is behind my particular parenting style.
I realize that many of you do things quite a bit differently, and that is ok. I welcome dialogue.
I realize that this ended up being VERY long, please, if you don't have time, the heart of what I would like to communicate is in the last three paragraphs. I urge you to look at that.
First of all… it is entirely possible to come to these conclusions without ever reading Dr. Sears. I have figured out after the fact that what I do is commonly termed Attachment Parenting. If you are familiar with the work of Gary Ezzo, that (A.P. methods) is akin to sorcery. I will withhold my opinion of Ezzo except to urge anyone planning to read his books and take his advice to do your research. There is a mountain of controversy surrounding his teaching and following it blindly can be of great detriment to your intended purpose.
So, what attachment parenting is not: it is not a reckless, unruly home, with domineering babies and cowering parents, it is not about developing an unhealthy co-dependency with your children, it is not about the home being child-centered to the exclusion of the husband. Our practices (such as baby-wearing or extended breastfeeding) do not contribute to children not growing and developing normally.
We have 4 children, aged 7 years, 5 years, 3 years, and 5 months. They have all, to some extent or another been raised AP style. Some of the “sillier” questions I have been asked (and actually, I’m GLAD the person asked… I’d much rather they do that than just assume and have wrong ideas) include:
You wear the baby around in that sling all day, how can it learn to sit up or walk or anything? –
Hmmm. My first baby walked at age 8 months, the second at 9 months. Number three was slow… she waited until she was 13 months. The baby doesn’t walk yet… not sure if it’s the sling or the fact that he’s only 5 months old. :-) I do have some trepidation though, that he’s also going to be an early walker. At his 4 month baby check, they asked if he could lift his head. He proceeded to do a “crunch” and lift his head, neck, and shoulders, to about mid back. At present (5 months) he can sit up and balance himself for long periods of time while he plays.
So no, being worn does not stunt their muscle development or motor control. There are also many who think that being worn is better for the spine than sitting in a car seat carrier all day, and, worn babies tend away from Positional Plagiocephaly (head flattening) that can occur from many hours in the same position in swings, car seats, cribs, etc.
Breastfeeding for so long, and ALL the time! How? And Why?-
Trying to stay on subject here… but I do need to share this. After my first child was born, I was incredibly ill for some time, without diagnosis or treatment. Of all that I went through during that time, one of the few things that kept me going was nursing the baby. However, the illness also kept me from supplying all of the baby’s needs and we did supplement with formula and he eventually weaned at about 8-9 months. The next baby, the problem was mostly mental/emotional after the previous difficulty I did not trust my body to provide, and we also supplemented her, although she nursed until 13 months. Third baby, things were very different and we had a great nursing relationship until she was 30-31 months old.
I feed on cue (also known as on demand) and thus our feedings do not fall at precisely spaced intervals or last for pre-determined lengths of time. Feeding a baby is about far more than simply supplying nutritional needs; it is also the first communication, comfort, and bonding. I am of the school of thought that feels that babies need what they need, when they need it. Now of course, there are times when it is beyond my control and the baby simply HAS to wait. But those are few and far between and only happen by extraordinary circumstance, not simply because it is not yet feeding time.
As for extended nursing, what is thought of as an oddity in the US culture is common practice around most of the rest of the world. I also have some ideas about the philosophy of mothering, the respect for mothering, and our ingraining that breastfeeding should stop very early in the child’s life; namely the following. Our culture has trained us that it is fine and even normal for a child to be placed into the care of someone besides his mother from very early on. Daycares take babies from 6 weeks on. 6 WEEKS. Other civilized countries the mom takes a year or so off work when they have new babies. Here, 6-8 weeks is the norm, and 3-4 months considered very long. I absolutely think that there is a connection between the rush to get the baby off of depending on the breast and the rush to get the baby out of the care of the mother. Definitely a lot to explore there.
The baby sleeps with you? Really? Like WITH you?
Yes. Really. WITH me. And before you ask (although some have..) we have four kids in under 8 years, so yes.
Another thing that is gasped at here in the USA and is common around the world,is co-sleeping.
I can think of no other torture equal to that of expecting a new mom to get up out of bed and go to a different room to feed the baby… except perhaps, expecting that new mother to lay there and listen to the baby cry and tell her not to respond.
Co-sleeping = happy baby, happy mommy.
Of course there are right and wrong ways to do it. Done safely and correctly, there is no reason to think that co-sleeping is at all dangerous. Some studies show that co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding actually reduce the rate of SIDS deaths, but since I don’t want to get into fights about my study vs. your study, I won’t claim those numbers or post the link. We sort of fell into co-sleeping and have done it by choice since then.
But what about sleeping problems? Will the child sleep with you forever?
No. I promise that by the time they leave for college, they will be out of the bed.
Baby #1 was sleeping in his own bed through the night … well, I honestly don’t remember, but I know he was less than a year. Baby #2… you know, again, I don’t remember a specific age, but let’s put it this way, if it had been some sort of awful long time I think I would have remembered. Baby #3 (here is where some people get their A-HA! I-told-you-so moment…) was about 2.5 years, and we kicked her out because the new baby was imminent. However (and this is where I steal the thunder and proclaim that every baby is different, with different needs), current baby is 5 months, and has been sleeping through the night since a few weeks old, and has in fact, moved out of our bed and sleeps on a pallet beside me.
Attached parenting? What is that, some kind of way to keep your kids dependent on you?
Well, no. There is a school of thought that lays claim to the title, but as I've adopted and adapted it, to me it means a very natural way of parenting that keeps the baby feeling secure, gives the right surroundings for nurturing and thriving, and results in very secure, and independent children. The mantra is this… all kids are different, with different needs. I am given charge to train up a child in the way he should go. He, that one child, should go. I have to train up Joey differently than I do Jessica and differently than I do Joyana. Joey was naturally outgoing , he went to nursery at a very early age and loved it. Jessica would *probably have been fine as well. I say probably because she never had to go to a class alone, Joey was always still in the class and didn’t graduate out of it until after she had come in.
Enter Joyana.
No.
Way.
Not.
Happening.
We tried lots of things, even having Jessi go to the nursery with her. She was a VERY shy/attached/clingy/ needy (and why aren’t there any words that don’t sound negative for this?) baby and it took a long time for her to go willingly to class.
But here is the thing. I was told repeatedly to just drop her and MAKE her stay. I am SO glad that this didn’t happen until my 3rd baby and I had developed enough confidence as a mommy to smile sweetly and ignore it! What on earth is so important about nursery that I need to drop off a terrified 1 year old and leave her sobbing for mommy? In my opinion, nothing. Again and again I was told to just do it and make her learn. Hmm. Depends on what I want her to learn. However, her learning that mommy didn’t care to listen to what she had to “say” wasn’t something I desired. I am now very happy to say that she is a wonderfully bright, very well adjusted just turned 3 year old who LOVES going to class and prays for her teacher and all her classmates, by name, every night.
Interestingly enough, we found out (which you know if you have read my blog much at all) that she has an enamel deficiency and has very advanced tooth problems. Looking back, she got her teeth pretty late (was almost one) and underwent a “personality change” soon after, from a very happy baby to a clingy etc toddler, right about that time. Once treatment was begun and we started reconstructing her little mouth, she had another “personality change”--for the better. We strongly feel that she was probably in chronic pain for months and other than her crying and being clingy, had no way to tell us. I WISH I had known sooner, both to have gotten proper treatment and to get her out of pain sooner. However, barring that, I am SO glad that I didn’t add to her distress by ever “abandoning” her. I got MANY strange looks and even some less than understanding remarks about my carrying around an almost 2 year old in my pack all the time, but I’m confident that the hours spent in there, close to my heart, snugged to my breast, sleeping securely, gave her what little comfort I could.
---------------
Let me say this. I did not choose the label “Attached parenting”; I did not pick up a book and decide this would be a good way to do things.
This is what came naturally; this is what seemed most motherly.
I did not even hear of AP until someone hearing me talk about it asked if I was “AP”. So I went to an online community that was supposed to about AP and got royally FLAMED for my non-AP ways (we use various discipline that would not be PC to them). I got such an incredibly bad taste in my mouth about AP that it was several years before I comfortable using the term again. I realize that I still don’t fit the exact profile of a model AP-er (again the discipline thing), but I do find it a very useful term simply because much of what we arrived at for our own parenting style is very similar to them.
I’ve said before, my oldest is only 7. We have NOT arrived. I frequently feel quite stressed about the fact that we won’t know for another 15 years if we did it all “right” or not. But in the moments when I’m calm, when I’m not scared that I’ve ruined them all by making them get their own peanut butter bread and yogurt for lunch, I realize that they are, for the most part, happy, smart, very independent (as in, get your own lunch), and well on their way to being very useful engines, err… adults, for God’s Kingdom.
The heart of what I’m really trying to communicate is that there is no one RIGHT methodology. I’m very good friends with some ladies who I greatly admire as mothers and they do it VERY differently from the way our family does it. The key is to understand that God gave some very specific instructions in his Word about raising the family, and other instructions are not so specific. Am I teaching my children about the Lord? check. Binding the Word about their heads and wrists? Writing it on their hands? Check. Ok, good.
Please, young parents, don’t feel embarrassed or feel like you have to measure up to the way that other people’s families work. Do you know how much condemnation I used to be under because my kids didn’t take regular naps like all my friends did? Then I realized that … my kids are ok, I’m ok, our home is ok… I guess naps are optional! (I’m not talking about kids being overtired and stuff, I mean the moms who have kids go down from 10:23 until precisely 12:07.) Holding your baby is not going to spoil it or make it become a useless brat who can never serve as a missionary! It’s OK, there are a lot of things that are simply not anyone else’s business. Of course this isn’t about refusing to be teachable, read on.
Do I have things to learn from my more… “structured” sisters? Yes, by all means! Do they have things to learn from me? Astoundingly, yes. They do… and the dearest among them aren’t afraid to come ask. There is nothing sweeter than being able to share with a sister (who I have had up on a pedestal because of her neatness and organization) exactly how it is that you simply give the kids an egg carton, paper towel tubes, paper and tape and LET THEM BE… that a previously drawn up blueprint for the expected craft outcome is really not required! And there is nothing sweeter than in return, my being able to be REAL with her and saying… I need a little more format to my life… what can you suggest that will actually be workable for me?
The danger comes from thinking that you (or your favorite book) has the ONE way and anyone doing it differently is wrong, misled, or simply isn’t serious about godly parenting. God doesn’t care how long I breastfeed my child. God cares that I feed my child, keep him or her healthy and secure as befits the dearest blessing he can bestow upon us, and that when that child is able to, we can teach him that God is his Father, and that God is a shepherd who will tenderly take the broken and weary to him as a mother takes her child into her embrace and that those will be pictures that he understands and loves and that make him desire God.
I can use cloth diapers, wear my baby (and my Birkenstocks) and raise my kids for Jesus. You can use paper diapers, feed them soy, and still raise them for Jesus... although, I have to warn you, they will probably turn out to be republicans and won't be nearly as cool as mine are. :-)
I realize that many of you do things quite a bit differently, and that is ok. I welcome dialogue.
I realize that this ended up being VERY long, please, if you don't have time, the heart of what I would like to communicate is in the last three paragraphs. I urge you to look at that.
First of all… it is entirely possible to come to these conclusions without ever reading Dr. Sears. I have figured out after the fact that what I do is commonly termed Attachment Parenting. If you are familiar with the work of Gary Ezzo, that (A.P. methods) is akin to sorcery. I will withhold my opinion of Ezzo except to urge anyone planning to read his books and take his advice to do your research. There is a mountain of controversy surrounding his teaching and following it blindly can be of great detriment to your intended purpose.
So, what attachment parenting is not: it is not a reckless, unruly home, with domineering babies and cowering parents, it is not about developing an unhealthy co-dependency with your children, it is not about the home being child-centered to the exclusion of the husband. Our practices (such as baby-wearing or extended breastfeeding) do not contribute to children not growing and developing normally.
We have 4 children, aged 7 years, 5 years, 3 years, and 5 months. They have all, to some extent or another been raised AP style. Some of the “sillier” questions I have been asked (and actually, I’m GLAD the person asked… I’d much rather they do that than just assume and have wrong ideas) include:
You wear the baby around in that sling all day, how can it learn to sit up or walk or anything? –
Hmmm. My first baby walked at age 8 months, the second at 9 months. Number three was slow… she waited until she was 13 months. The baby doesn’t walk yet… not sure if it’s the sling or the fact that he’s only 5 months old. :-) I do have some trepidation though, that he’s also going to be an early walker. At his 4 month baby check, they asked if he could lift his head. He proceeded to do a “crunch” and lift his head, neck, and shoulders, to about mid back. At present (5 months) he can sit up and balance himself for long periods of time while he plays.
So no, being worn does not stunt their muscle development or motor control. There are also many who think that being worn is better for the spine than sitting in a car seat carrier all day, and, worn babies tend away from Positional Plagiocephaly (head flattening) that can occur from many hours in the same position in swings, car seats, cribs, etc.
Breastfeeding for so long, and ALL the time! How? And Why?-
Trying to stay on subject here… but I do need to share this. After my first child was born, I was incredibly ill for some time, without diagnosis or treatment. Of all that I went through during that time, one of the few things that kept me going was nursing the baby. However, the illness also kept me from supplying all of the baby’s needs and we did supplement with formula and he eventually weaned at about 8-9 months. The next baby, the problem was mostly mental/emotional after the previous difficulty I did not trust my body to provide, and we also supplemented her, although she nursed until 13 months. Third baby, things were very different and we had a great nursing relationship until she was 30-31 months old.
I feed on cue (also known as on demand) and thus our feedings do not fall at precisely spaced intervals or last for pre-determined lengths of time. Feeding a baby is about far more than simply supplying nutritional needs; it is also the first communication, comfort, and bonding. I am of the school of thought that feels that babies need what they need, when they need it. Now of course, there are times when it is beyond my control and the baby simply HAS to wait. But those are few and far between and only happen by extraordinary circumstance, not simply because it is not yet feeding time.
As for extended nursing, what is thought of as an oddity in the US culture is common practice around most of the rest of the world. I also have some ideas about the philosophy of mothering, the respect for mothering, and our ingraining that breastfeeding should stop very early in the child’s life; namely the following. Our culture has trained us that it is fine and even normal for a child to be placed into the care of someone besides his mother from very early on. Daycares take babies from 6 weeks on. 6 WEEKS. Other civilized countries the mom takes a year or so off work when they have new babies. Here, 6-8 weeks is the norm, and 3-4 months considered very long. I absolutely think that there is a connection between the rush to get the baby off of depending on the breast and the rush to get the baby out of the care of the mother. Definitely a lot to explore there.
The baby sleeps with you? Really? Like WITH you?
Yes. Really. WITH me. And before you ask (although some have..) we have four kids in under 8 years, so yes.
Another thing that is gasped at here in the USA and is common around the world,is co-sleeping.
I can think of no other torture equal to that of expecting a new mom to get up out of bed and go to a different room to feed the baby… except perhaps, expecting that new mother to lay there and listen to the baby cry and tell her not to respond.
Co-sleeping = happy baby, happy mommy.
Of course there are right and wrong ways to do it. Done safely and correctly, there is no reason to think that co-sleeping is at all dangerous. Some studies show that co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding actually reduce the rate of SIDS deaths, but since I don’t want to get into fights about my study vs. your study, I won’t claim those numbers or post the link. We sort of fell into co-sleeping and have done it by choice since then.
But what about sleeping problems? Will the child sleep with you forever?
No. I promise that by the time they leave for college, they will be out of the bed.
Baby #1 was sleeping in his own bed through the night … well, I honestly don’t remember, but I know he was less than a year. Baby #2… you know, again, I don’t remember a specific age, but let’s put it this way, if it had been some sort of awful long time I think I would have remembered. Baby #3 (here is where some people get their A-HA! I-told-you-so moment…) was about 2.5 years, and we kicked her out because the new baby was imminent. However (and this is where I steal the thunder and proclaim that every baby is different, with different needs), current baby is 5 months, and has been sleeping through the night since a few weeks old, and has in fact, moved out of our bed and sleeps on a pallet beside me.
Attached parenting? What is that, some kind of way to keep your kids dependent on you?
Well, no. There is a school of thought that lays claim to the title, but as I've adopted and adapted it, to me it means a very natural way of parenting that keeps the baby feeling secure, gives the right surroundings for nurturing and thriving, and results in very secure, and independent children. The mantra is this… all kids are different, with different needs. I am given charge to train up a child in the way he should go. He, that one child, should go. I have to train up Joey differently than I do Jessica and differently than I do Joyana. Joey was naturally outgoing , he went to nursery at a very early age and loved it. Jessica would *probably have been fine as well. I say probably because she never had to go to a class alone, Joey was always still in the class and didn’t graduate out of it until after she had come in.
Enter Joyana.
No.
Way.
Not.
Happening.
We tried lots of things, even having Jessi go to the nursery with her. She was a VERY shy/attached/clingy/ needy (and why aren’t there any words that don’t sound negative for this?) baby and it took a long time for her to go willingly to class.
But here is the thing. I was told repeatedly to just drop her and MAKE her stay. I am SO glad that this didn’t happen until my 3rd baby and I had developed enough confidence as a mommy to smile sweetly and ignore it! What on earth is so important about nursery that I need to drop off a terrified 1 year old and leave her sobbing for mommy? In my opinion, nothing. Again and again I was told to just do it and make her learn. Hmm. Depends on what I want her to learn. However, her learning that mommy didn’t care to listen to what she had to “say” wasn’t something I desired. I am now very happy to say that she is a wonderfully bright, very well adjusted just turned 3 year old who LOVES going to class and prays for her teacher and all her classmates, by name, every night.
Interestingly enough, we found out (which you know if you have read my blog much at all) that she has an enamel deficiency and has very advanced tooth problems. Looking back, she got her teeth pretty late (was almost one) and underwent a “personality change” soon after, from a very happy baby to a clingy etc toddler, right about that time. Once treatment was begun and we started reconstructing her little mouth, she had another “personality change”--for the better. We strongly feel that she was probably in chronic pain for months and other than her crying and being clingy, had no way to tell us. I WISH I had known sooner, both to have gotten proper treatment and to get her out of pain sooner. However, barring that, I am SO glad that I didn’t add to her distress by ever “abandoning” her. I got MANY strange looks and even some less than understanding remarks about my carrying around an almost 2 year old in my pack all the time, but I’m confident that the hours spent in there, close to my heart, snugged to my breast, sleeping securely, gave her what little comfort I could.
---------------
Let me say this. I did not choose the label “Attached parenting”; I did not pick up a book and decide this would be a good way to do things.
This is what came naturally; this is what seemed most motherly.
I did not even hear of AP until someone hearing me talk about it asked if I was “AP”. So I went to an online community that was supposed to about AP and got royally FLAMED for my non-AP ways (we use various discipline that would not be PC to them). I got such an incredibly bad taste in my mouth about AP that it was several years before I comfortable using the term again. I realize that I still don’t fit the exact profile of a model AP-er (again the discipline thing), but I do find it a very useful term simply because much of what we arrived at for our own parenting style is very similar to them.
I’ve said before, my oldest is only 7. We have NOT arrived. I frequently feel quite stressed about the fact that we won’t know for another 15 years if we did it all “right” or not. But in the moments when I’m calm, when I’m not scared that I’ve ruined them all by making them get their own peanut butter bread and yogurt for lunch, I realize that they are, for the most part, happy, smart, very independent (as in, get your own lunch), and well on their way to being very useful engines, err… adults, for God’s Kingdom.
The heart of what I’m really trying to communicate is that there is no one RIGHT methodology. I’m very good friends with some ladies who I greatly admire as mothers and they do it VERY differently from the way our family does it. The key is to understand that God gave some very specific instructions in his Word about raising the family, and other instructions are not so specific. Am I teaching my children about the Lord? check. Binding the Word about their heads and wrists? Writing it on their hands? Check. Ok, good.
Please, young parents, don’t feel embarrassed or feel like you have to measure up to the way that other people’s families work. Do you know how much condemnation I used to be under because my kids didn’t take regular naps like all my friends did? Then I realized that … my kids are ok, I’m ok, our home is ok… I guess naps are optional! (I’m not talking about kids being overtired and stuff, I mean the moms who have kids go down from 10:23 until precisely 12:07.) Holding your baby is not going to spoil it or make it become a useless brat who can never serve as a missionary! It’s OK, there are a lot of things that are simply not anyone else’s business. Of course this isn’t about refusing to be teachable, read on.
Do I have things to learn from my more… “structured” sisters? Yes, by all means! Do they have things to learn from me? Astoundingly, yes. They do… and the dearest among them aren’t afraid to come ask. There is nothing sweeter than being able to share with a sister (who I have had up on a pedestal because of her neatness and organization) exactly how it is that you simply give the kids an egg carton, paper towel tubes, paper and tape and LET THEM BE… that a previously drawn up blueprint for the expected craft outcome is really not required! And there is nothing sweeter than in return, my being able to be REAL with her and saying… I need a little more format to my life… what can you suggest that will actually be workable for me?
The danger comes from thinking that you (or your favorite book) has the ONE way and anyone doing it differently is wrong, misled, or simply isn’t serious about godly parenting. God doesn’t care how long I breastfeed my child. God cares that I feed my child, keep him or her healthy and secure as befits the dearest blessing he can bestow upon us, and that when that child is able to, we can teach him that God is his Father, and that God is a shepherd who will tenderly take the broken and weary to him as a mother takes her child into her embrace and that those will be pictures that he understands and loves and that make him desire God.
I can use cloth diapers, wear my baby (and my Birkenstocks) and raise my kids for Jesus. You can use paper diapers, feed them soy, and still raise them for Jesus... although, I have to warn you, they will probably turn out to be republicans and won't be nearly as cool as mine are. :-)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
memory verses
First off, I do NOT intend for this to become a "KJV only" debate. If you like that kind of thing, feel free to start one on your own blog. Thanks.
My fellow Christian parents who are striving to raise their kids for the Lord:
I keep thinking about this but haven't decided what route to take. I grew up on the KJV, that is what we memorized and read and heard preached. I do have a personal preference for it, simply because of it be familiar to me. I also very often read other versions/translations/paraphrases as part of Bible study. I'd like to get one of those Bibles that has several laid out beside each other on the same page. Just saying I have no problem with using other versions.
Now, the question is... I use selected memory verses frequently in the kids' training. They learn verses specific to their behaviors and attitudes. I have blogged about that before so I wont' go into it now, but I do need them to understand what they are learning, not just remember a string of words. I do of course break it down and explain it, but I also want the verse to be meaningful.
I have found that I really don't have a rhyme or reason to what version they learn, I will find a good verse and look it up on crosswalk and read many versions and pick the one that seems most clear and have them learn that one. I'm not sure if this random approach is the best though.
So... the question is, do I have them memorize the KJV and just explain it to them?
Sometimes it seems ok to use the other versions, but then sometimes, I just really want them to know the verses just as I know them. Case in point, Joey is learning Psalm 23 right now for Rangers Club. They have it in a different version...it is probably more understandable, but I just miss the lovely "classic" KJV language. It is ok for me to teach it to him our way, he will still get credit for it.
Am I stressing too much over this and I should just keep on teaching them the Word or is there a certain benefit to sticking with one translation? I am torn between the tradition of the KJV and the knowledge that it is important for them to UNDERSTAND the Word, not just memorize it.
thoughts please.
My fellow Christian parents who are striving to raise their kids for the Lord:
I keep thinking about this but haven't decided what route to take. I grew up on the KJV, that is what we memorized and read and heard preached. I do have a personal preference for it, simply because of it be familiar to me. I also very often read other versions/translations/paraphrases as part of Bible study. I'd like to get one of those Bibles that has several laid out beside each other on the same page. Just saying I have no problem with using other versions.
Now, the question is... I use selected memory verses frequently in the kids' training. They learn verses specific to their behaviors and attitudes. I have blogged about that before so I wont' go into it now, but I do need them to understand what they are learning, not just remember a string of words. I do of course break it down and explain it, but I also want the verse to be meaningful.
I have found that I really don't have a rhyme or reason to what version they learn, I will find a good verse and look it up on crosswalk and read many versions and pick the one that seems most clear and have them learn that one. I'm not sure if this random approach is the best though.
So... the question is, do I have them memorize the KJV and just explain it to them?
Sometimes it seems ok to use the other versions, but then sometimes, I just really want them to know the verses just as I know them. Case in point, Joey is learning Psalm 23 right now for Rangers Club. They have it in a different version...it is probably more understandable, but I just miss the lovely "classic" KJV language. It is ok for me to teach it to him our way, he will still get credit for it.
Am I stressing too much over this and I should just keep on teaching them the Word or is there a certain benefit to sticking with one translation? I am torn between the tradition of the KJV and the knowledge that it is important for them to UNDERSTAND the Word, not just memorize it.
thoughts please.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
peer pressure
Everyone else is doing it, so I will too.
without further ado... my list of needs according to google.
Jody needs:
Jody Needs a Kidney
Jody needs a custom mouthpiece.
Jody needs your help!
Jody needs more comments.
Jody needs a mailing address and federal ID number.
without further ado... my list of needs according to google.
Jody needs:
Jody Needs a Kidney
Jody needs a custom mouthpiece.
Jody needs your help!
Jody needs more comments.
Jody needs a mailing address and federal ID number.
Jody needs a home. Jody needs a man to handle her ... Jody needs a bathroom break. (I did NOT make that up.)
Pretty spot on, don'tcha think?
Pretty spot on, don'tcha think?
Friday, February 13, 2009
i'm so cool
ok, so it's not flames, but still, I'm thinkin' that my new tats are seriously stylin' on my mini-van.
check it out... my decals from the trade I did way back before Christmas with Shandi from Distinctive Decals . I finally got a nice day to put them on!
excuse the dirty van... it wasn't bad until I cleaned the areas I was about to decal...that made the rest of it look bad!
Here is the whole effect:
Our little stick figure family. I love these... I've wanted one for a long time.
My bus sticker. 
my cloth diaper sticker. I left this one big so you could see our license plate too. 
Thanks honey... both for the van and for letting me make it look like a total soccer-mom-mobile.
Thanks honey... both for the van and for letting me make it look like a total soccer-mom-mobile.
Monday, February 9, 2009
a great day to ride a bike
We've had some super cold days here recently, so when we had a lovely warm weekend, we took advantage of it. We went to toe nearby elementary school and used their empty parking lot to ride bikes. Jessi just got this big girl bike from Grandpa, it is probably a little too big, but she'll grow. Joey got his first bad bike wreck owie. I tried to convince him that this was a badge of honor, but he was not buying it.
Jessi did really well for the first time on a big bike. I think she would be ready to take the training wheels off soon, but the bike is so tall that she needs them in order to climb on.
Joy had a great time playing with her shadow. It was so cute!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
a Grandma post
Yep, that is fair warning that this will be endless pictures and gratuitious bragging about my kids. If you are my facebook friend you have probably seen these, but my mom told me that she NEEDS to see new pictures. Here you go Mom-mom!
Also... Blogger likes to put the pictures in the opposite order of how you uploaded them, and it takes a while to drag them all around, so in most cases, I have just left them in no order at all.
Jessi/Mopsie
Joey and Jonny, you have to look and try to see the faces Jonny is making...he's highly enjoying himself. It goes without saying that Joey loves it.
You'll see this picture a couple of times, I was just playing with lighting etc. I adore this... I couldn't have posed them like this if I had tried, just let them play and snapped away.
same picture without being fancied up
Jonny seems to be saying, "Hey, look at ME!"
Look at him sit up! 
there are pillows behind him but he's not leaning on them, he's looking up and holding himself up sitting.
Joey with his appliance. It is clear plastic... looks like he's sucking a giant icecube. He has his front teeth over it properly in this shot and you can see that even with it in the right place he can't close his mouth yet. Hopefully when we go back in 3 weeks they can trim some off.
Joy's first french braid!
Jessi and Jonny- the results of Jessi's mopsie
Hamming it up!
after I calmed it down a bit.
fresh off the rags
ready to go
still unrolling it.
Joey thinking his dreams are coming true.... however, no, Jonny did not sleep with him all night, I just tucked him in in the morning and let Joey wake up to Jonny's gentle eye pokes...
HI Mom-Mom!
Joey with Kiwi, Lizard, and Wooly Mammoth
Joey with his precious beanie babies (obviously not all of them....)
Joy reading her Veggie Tale book
Mmmmm, toes! Toes is sooooo ymmmy!
Bye!!!
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