http://ladyluck-stuffandnonsense.blogspot.com/2007/08/its-been-while-since-i-posted-anything.html
It has been two years now. I will say that this year, there is so much less pain, lots more remembering. TinyJ was only with us for a few weeks, but was recieved with so much love.
Hugs to all mommies who have a tiny empty spot in their hearts due to pregnancy loss.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Can I get some input?
Church...
Yeah, yeah, I know WE are the church. What I'm talking about --or would like to talk about with your help, is the church gathering that we attend.
What is church for? Is it for the believers to come and be fed, equipped and encouraged? is it for outreach to bring sinners into so they will find Jesus? What should our non-negotiables be when it come to choosing a church?
How dedicated should a "good christian" be to their church? Is it ok to go to one church for Sunday worship and to a different church for weekly meetings and activities?
I would greatly appreciate some thoughts... biblical thoughts even better.
Yeah, yeah, I know WE are the church. What I'm talking about --or would like to talk about with your help, is the church gathering that we attend.
What is church for? Is it for the believers to come and be fed, equipped and encouraged? is it for outreach to bring sinners into so they will find Jesus? What should our non-negotiables be when it come to choosing a church?
How dedicated should a "good christian" be to their church? Is it ok to go to one church for Sunday worship and to a different church for weekly meetings and activities?
I would greatly appreciate some thoughts... biblical thoughts even better.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Happy Birthday Jules!
Today I am old. I know that I am old because my baby sister is 29 today. I am older than she is, so if she is 29... Heaven only knows how old that makes me!
It seems like for women 29 is more of a milestone birthday than 30 is. We get plagued with all these thoughts about what we have accomplished and if we are really ready to enter middle age and all that other stuff. If the 20's are about finding your place in this world, then the 30's are about being secure in that place we seem to have found ourselves.
I remember when my mom was expecting Julie, I believe she told us as we were coming home from a birthday party for Denise Bazo. I don't know if that is correct, but for some reason that is what I have in my head. I do know that mom was pretty sick, especially the few months before Julie was born. I remember cooking for the family. Now, we did have some older girls from church who came in some, and I'm sure my dad (who was an EXCELLENT cook) cooked a lot, but I know that I also cooked, standing on a chair in the kitchen, producing the 2 or 3 things I knew how to do. Scrambled eggs, hotdogs, macaroni and cheese. And please let me point out that the mac and cheese was REAL, not from a box with powdered cheese. Now... the eggs may or may not have been embellished with the addition of food coloring, and it's quite likely the mac and cheese had worcstishire sauce in it (I had a rather long "stage" of doing that to nearly everything), but it worked. I can only hope that my poor bedridden mom didn't have to eat these things and that someone was slipping her real food.
But I digress, this is about Julie. Anyway, I was sent to spend the night with the Massingill family while my grandma took Mom to the hossy to get Julie out. I got a call early in the morning letting me know that "cuddles" (as we had dubbed her in utero) was born and that she was a sister. I believe that was the last time she was called cuddles. No offence Julie, but you were a bit on the long and bony side.
There are a few other memories of Julie in her babyhood that I will not share, although for the right price, you may email me for details.
I am 7 1/2 years older than Julie, so by the time she was an actual person (as opposed to a cute little toddler kid) I was heading out for college. The times we did cross paths were a bit rocky at times, but even then ( as I was a SO mature college student and she was going through her own series of "stages") I was proud of her.
The summer she was 14 we went on TLC together. This is one of those things that was a mistake but was in fact, a "God-thing" The age limit for TLC was 15. I was supposed to go, but started feeling like I really belonged at home to spend time with Julie instead of trotting off to Guatemala. On the other hand, our team was made up of several of my very dear friends and I really wanted to go. I talked to Tom (team leader) about it and he told me to go talk to Mrs. B. Well, I did. And she said yes. Although I think I found out later that she didn't realize that Julie was too young. Anyway, we went together and I really started getting to know her. She also got to spend a lot of time with some of the best people I knew and I know that it was a very positive thing for her to get to know them.
I have so many other memories I could share, but that wasn't what I was intending to write about.
Julie, I have been in awe of you since you were a kid. We are so very different, in nearly every way, and in you I see so many things that I admire and wish I could be. You march to your own drum (forget the different drummer, you just play your own darn drum), you are strong, you stick up for the underdog, you see the worst in people but continually have faith in the best. You make your own rules and throw convention out the window. You are fiercely loyal. You are honest.... painfully so. I'd never want to meet you in a dark alley, but can't think of anyone I'd rather have beside me if I ever had to go down one myself. You ARE the caped avenger. You are an amazing friend, you give and give and give again. You have become an outstanding daughter (hmm, can I say that seeing as how I'm just a bystander and not the actual mother?) and I'm so proud of you.
You have made a place for yourself in your career. You have enough confidence to get the job done and enough humility to never stop learning more. I hope that the people who work beside you every day realize how fortunate they are to be around such an excellent human bean as you are. My prayer for you on this birthday is that you would find the same confidence in your "Julie" life as you have in your "medic" life. You knew even before you got out of high school what you wanted to become and you have done it. My challenge for you on this birthday is for you now to know who you want to become... and do it. My assurance for you on this birthday is that you are surrounded by people who love you and believe in you and are so stinkin' proud of you that we can hardly talk about you without sounding cheesy.
I love you Spotser, Happy 29th Birthday.
It seems like for women 29 is more of a milestone birthday than 30 is. We get plagued with all these thoughts about what we have accomplished and if we are really ready to enter middle age and all that other stuff. If the 20's are about finding your place in this world, then the 30's are about being secure in that place we seem to have found ourselves.
I remember when my mom was expecting Julie, I believe she told us as we were coming home from a birthday party for Denise Bazo. I don't know if that is correct, but for some reason that is what I have in my head. I do know that mom was pretty sick, especially the few months before Julie was born. I remember cooking for the family. Now, we did have some older girls from church who came in some, and I'm sure my dad (who was an EXCELLENT cook) cooked a lot, but I know that I also cooked, standing on a chair in the kitchen, producing the 2 or 3 things I knew how to do. Scrambled eggs, hotdogs, macaroni and cheese. And please let me point out that the mac and cheese was REAL, not from a box with powdered cheese. Now... the eggs may or may not have been embellished with the addition of food coloring, and it's quite likely the mac and cheese had worcstishire sauce in it (I had a rather long "stage" of doing that to nearly everything), but it worked. I can only hope that my poor bedridden mom didn't have to eat these things and that someone was slipping her real food.
But I digress, this is about Julie. Anyway, I was sent to spend the night with the Massingill family while my grandma took Mom to the hossy to get Julie out. I got a call early in the morning letting me know that "cuddles" (as we had dubbed her in utero) was born and that she was a sister. I believe that was the last time she was called cuddles. No offence Julie, but you were a bit on the long and bony side.
There are a few other memories of Julie in her babyhood that I will not share, although for the right price, you may email me for details.
I am 7 1/2 years older than Julie, so by the time she was an actual person (as opposed to a cute little toddler kid) I was heading out for college. The times we did cross paths were a bit rocky at times, but even then ( as I was a SO mature college student and she was going through her own series of "stages") I was proud of her.
The summer she was 14 we went on TLC together. This is one of those things that was a mistake but was in fact, a "God-thing" The age limit for TLC was 15. I was supposed to go, but started feeling like I really belonged at home to spend time with Julie instead of trotting off to Guatemala. On the other hand, our team was made up of several of my very dear friends and I really wanted to go. I talked to Tom (team leader) about it and he told me to go talk to Mrs. B. Well, I did. And she said yes. Although I think I found out later that she didn't realize that Julie was too young. Anyway, we went together and I really started getting to know her. She also got to spend a lot of time with some of the best people I knew and I know that it was a very positive thing for her to get to know them.
I have so many other memories I could share, but that wasn't what I was intending to write about.
Julie, I have been in awe of you since you were a kid. We are so very different, in nearly every way, and in you I see so many things that I admire and wish I could be. You march to your own drum (forget the different drummer, you just play your own darn drum), you are strong, you stick up for the underdog, you see the worst in people but continually have faith in the best. You make your own rules and throw convention out the window. You are fiercely loyal. You are honest.... painfully so. I'd never want to meet you in a dark alley, but can't think of anyone I'd rather have beside me if I ever had to go down one myself. You ARE the caped avenger. You are an amazing friend, you give and give and give again. You have become an outstanding daughter (hmm, can I say that seeing as how I'm just a bystander and not the actual mother?) and I'm so proud of you.
You have made a place for yourself in your career. You have enough confidence to get the job done and enough humility to never stop learning more. I hope that the people who work beside you every day realize how fortunate they are to be around such an excellent human bean as you are. My prayer for you on this birthday is that you would find the same confidence in your "Julie" life as you have in your "medic" life. You knew even before you got out of high school what you wanted to become and you have done it. My challenge for you on this birthday is for you now to know who you want to become... and do it. My assurance for you on this birthday is that you are surrounded by people who love you and believe in you and are so stinkin' proud of you that we can hardly talk about you without sounding cheesy.
I love you Spotser, Happy 29th Birthday.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Fear is a bad word?
Warning: Adult content, if your kids were just looking over your shoulder seeing the cute pictures, now is the time to have them go do something else.
.
.
.
.
.
On a message board I frequent, many of the moms recently got into a discussion about the things our kids face today, specifically becoming sexually active in lower grades, down to 5-6th grades, and also the increasing popularity of having group slumber parties that are expressly for having same-gender sex. I don't even need to explain my stand on all of that, but what really got me thinking were the comments about how inevitable it is and how all we can do is talk to our kids and hope they will be open with us and make good mature choices, blah blah blah.
Here's the deal. I don't think that even in this current world (which I admit freely is far worse then when I was a child/teen 20+ years ago) that this type of thing is inevitable! I refuse to accept that. However, I also know that if their plan consists of talking and hoping, they are right. Let me be blunt. I was not a sexually active teen. In fact, I married so late, I was hardly a sexually active 20-something. In my case, it wasn't because of talking and hoping. It was because instilled deep within my very being, there was the sure and certain knowledge of being immediately struck down by God and the fact that no matter if I was 15 or 25, my Mother would somehow KNOW.
What I'm saying is that trying to reason with hormones is a losing battle. You can "know" all about STDs, you can "know" about pregnancy, you can "know" about the emotional ramifications...but that isn't necessarily going to do the trick.
Again, back to that discussion. There were a few comments about how they were going to give their children "all the information" so they could make "right decisions" and not rely on Bible-thumping or fear.
That sounds great doesn't it?
Let's apply that to, oh, a 2 year old. "Honey, this is an electric outlet. I know you are very curious and your curiosity is your strongest drive right now, but I want to let you know all the information so you can be smart." You would then procede to tell him about electricity, how good and powerful it is, but how it must be kept in wires and only accessed properly. You would tell him of the dangers and even how it could kill him. (so far so good, right?) You finish off by telling him that if he really must stick a hairpin in the outlet to please use these insulated gloves and if he ever has any more questions, to come have another talk with you.
I do of course realize that the above is exaggerated. But come ON... you know what my kids know about electricity? that it is BAD! HOT! NO! OWIE! that if you even go close to an outlet or a plug Mommy materializes out of thin air and SWATS that hand.
Perhaps I go too far because now when the older two are big enough that I might actually tell them to go plug this or that in, they stare at me as though I just told them to drink poison and remind me that they are NOT ALLOWED to even THINK of touching a power plug!
Now, since Jeff is an electrical engineer, they do know a bit about the actual workings of it, but allow me to lay it out plainly; It is NOT their knowledge about the power and potential of electic current that keeps them conditioned to not touch it, it is their FEAR.
Personally, I like that fear. That fear kept them alive long enough to reach the age where they CAN learn about AC/DC and wattage and amperage and voltage.
I'm not advocating that we don't educate our children about sex. I am saying that just knowing the facts isn't enough to keep them safe (and by safe, I mean abstinence). The drive is far stronger than the ability to reason. When faced with those choices, they need enough good old fashioned FEAR to keep them from getting into the place of temptation.
I've heard people say that they don't want their children to obey out of fear but out of love and respect.
Well Duh.
Brilliant deduction there.
Unfortunately, humans are selfish beings, must be a design flaw, take it up with God. In the meantime understand this; a respect that has enough weight to overcome selfish urges takes a while to grow and a certain amount of maturity to develop. I love (and as far as I can remember have always loved her) my mother. However, the deep respect and honor for her developed along the way, and dare I say, is still growing? If my obedience to her was based on my ability to respect her and defer to her wisdom, I wouldn't have obeyed her until I was about 23. That's a bit too late. I'm talking about a fear that is a percursor to respect and honor, a fear that keeps us within the walls, so to speak, until we are mature enough to love the walls and what they protect us from.
When and why did fear develop such a bad rep? You don't think it could be part of a diabolical plan to keep us from getting wisdom... nah, surely the enemy of our souls wouldn't do that, would he?
Personally, I think bit of the right kind of fear is a great thing. And I plan on using it to protect my kids from things far more dangerous than the electric outlets.
**disclaimer. I have not yet raised my children to this age. I am speaking from experience of a child that this worked with, not as a parent who has done it successfully.
.
.
.
.
.
On a message board I frequent, many of the moms recently got into a discussion about the things our kids face today, specifically becoming sexually active in lower grades, down to 5-6th grades, and also the increasing popularity of having group slumber parties that are expressly for having same-gender sex. I don't even need to explain my stand on all of that, but what really got me thinking were the comments about how inevitable it is and how all we can do is talk to our kids and hope they will be open with us and make good mature choices, blah blah blah.
Here's the deal. I don't think that even in this current world (which I admit freely is far worse then when I was a child/teen 20+ years ago) that this type of thing is inevitable! I refuse to accept that. However, I also know that if their plan consists of talking and hoping, they are right. Let me be blunt. I was not a sexually active teen. In fact, I married so late, I was hardly a sexually active 20-something. In my case, it wasn't because of talking and hoping. It was because instilled deep within my very being, there was the sure and certain knowledge of being immediately struck down by God and the fact that no matter if I was 15 or 25, my Mother would somehow KNOW.
What I'm saying is that trying to reason with hormones is a losing battle. You can "know" all about STDs, you can "know" about pregnancy, you can "know" about the emotional ramifications...but that isn't necessarily going to do the trick.
Again, back to that discussion. There were a few comments about how they were going to give their children "all the information" so they could make "right decisions" and not rely on Bible-thumping or fear.
That sounds great doesn't it?
Let's apply that to, oh, a 2 year old. "Honey, this is an electric outlet. I know you are very curious and your curiosity is your strongest drive right now, but I want to let you know all the information so you can be smart." You would then procede to tell him about electricity, how good and powerful it is, but how it must be kept in wires and only accessed properly. You would tell him of the dangers and even how it could kill him. (so far so good, right?) You finish off by telling him that if he really must stick a hairpin in the outlet to please use these insulated gloves and if he ever has any more questions, to come have another talk with you.
I do of course realize that the above is exaggerated. But come ON... you know what my kids know about electricity? that it is BAD! HOT! NO! OWIE! that if you even go close to an outlet or a plug Mommy materializes out of thin air and SWATS that hand.
Perhaps I go too far because now when the older two are big enough that I might actually tell them to go plug this or that in, they stare at me as though I just told them to drink poison and remind me that they are NOT ALLOWED to even THINK of touching a power plug!
Now, since Jeff is an electrical engineer, they do know a bit about the actual workings of it, but allow me to lay it out plainly; It is NOT their knowledge about the power and potential of electic current that keeps them conditioned to not touch it, it is their FEAR.
Personally, I like that fear. That fear kept them alive long enough to reach the age where they CAN learn about AC/DC and wattage and amperage and voltage.
I'm not advocating that we don't educate our children about sex. I am saying that just knowing the facts isn't enough to keep them safe (and by safe, I mean abstinence). The drive is far stronger than the ability to reason. When faced with those choices, they need enough good old fashioned FEAR to keep them from getting into the place of temptation.
I've heard people say that they don't want their children to obey out of fear but out of love and respect.
Well Duh.
Brilliant deduction there.
Unfortunately, humans are selfish beings, must be a design flaw, take it up with God. In the meantime understand this; a respect that has enough weight to overcome selfish urges takes a while to grow and a certain amount of maturity to develop. I love (and as far as I can remember have always loved her) my mother. However, the deep respect and honor for her developed along the way, and dare I say, is still growing? If my obedience to her was based on my ability to respect her and defer to her wisdom, I wouldn't have obeyed her until I was about 23. That's a bit too late. I'm talking about a fear that is a percursor to respect and honor, a fear that keeps us within the walls, so to speak, until we are mature enough to love the walls and what they protect us from.
When and why did fear develop such a bad rep? You don't think it could be part of a diabolical plan to keep us from getting wisdom... nah, surely the enemy of our souls wouldn't do that, would he?
Personally, I think bit of the right kind of fear is a great thing. And I plan on using it to protect my kids from things far more dangerous than the electric outlets.
**disclaimer. I have not yet raised my children to this age. I am speaking from experience of a child that this worked with, not as a parent who has done it successfully.
Pictures April/May
so I guess you need to blame FaceBook for the utter lack of attention shown to my blog recently. Sorry.
Jonny with Mom-mom (my mom) during our visit there in April. They were pretty fond of each other.
Jonny with Mom-mom (my mom) during our visit there in April. They were pretty fond of each other.
We visited Lazy5 Ranch while in NC, it was our second time but Jeff's first time. He greatly enjoyed it, especially the cows.
Recent pictures of Jonny. He is 8 months old now, hard to believe. He has a tooth, he can clap, he pulls up and then holds on with just one hand. 
Joyana, apparently feeling just fabulous!
Mr. Thoughtful. What does go on in that little brain?
Joyana, apparently feeling just fabulous!
Mr. Thoughtful. What does go on in that little brain?
This horse has seen better days, but they still enjoy it.
Best buds
For Mother's Day I asked to go strawberry picking. Here are my helpers smashing berries to make jam.
We got a little over 17 lbs.
Best buds
For Mother's Day I asked to go strawberry picking. Here are my helpers smashing berries to make jam.
We got a little over 17 lbs.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Civics 101
Thanks to my great friend Don, I was made aware of the national effort to hold local tea parties on tax day. I located the party nearest to us and since it was just up the street, decided to take part.
The kids and I made posters and I tried to explain on their level what it was all about. I wanted to do video clips of them each explaining their signs but they froze up when I tried to record them, so I'll just write it out.
Joey carried a sign based on the famous Gadsden flag. He learned that Ben Franklin used the rattlesnake to symbolize our country in the early days because the snake would give ample warning, but once it began to strike back, would not stop. The colonists warned the King many times that they would not continue to stand for the mistreatment, but finally struck back.
In his words,
"My sign has a rattlesnake and says 'don't tread on me' that means do not step on me or jump on me because we will fight back. The government is spending our money without asking us, that is wrong. It is like stealing. I'm hiding my money. I'm pretty sure stealers shouldn't be our leaders. If I were the leader I would not steal, I would make good rules, like, 'don't litter'. If the leaders keep doing this we will say,'you're fired!' just like the 'You're fired!' show. And we will dump our tea into the sea."
As far as the gathering itself, I was pleased with the results. It was a very cold and wet day, but I know there were several hundred people there. We got there a bit late and stayed for about an hour. I know that at least one Congressman was there, hopefully he got the message.
The kids and I made posters and I tried to explain on their level what it was all about. I wanted to do video clips of them each explaining their signs but they froze up when I tried to record them, so I'll just write it out.
Joey carried a sign based on the famous Gadsden flag. He learned that Ben Franklin used the rattlesnake to symbolize our country in the early days because the snake would give ample warning, but once it began to strike back, would not stop. The colonists warned the King many times that they would not continue to stand for the mistreatment, but finally struck back.
In his words,
"My sign has a rattlesnake and says 'don't tread on me' that means do not step on me or jump on me because we will fight back. The government is spending our money without asking us, that is wrong. It is like stealing. I'm hiding my money. I'm pretty sure stealers shouldn't be our leaders. If I were the leader I would not steal, I would make good rules, like, 'don't litter'. If the leaders keep doing this we will say,'you're fired!' just like the 'You're fired!' show. And we will dump our tea into the sea."
Jessi's thoughts:
"Taxes are when we all give a little bit of our money for the government to use for things we all need, like roads and the Army. But, then they decide to spend it on stupid things and there is no more money for the things we need. That is SO wrong! I thought they were good guys, would they treat their own wife and kids like this? NO! So why are they trying to do it to us? My Daisies verse says to 'treat everyone with respect' and they are not respecting us! I think the police should stop them."
Jessi actually had two signs, one that she created completely on her own and one that I planned out and she colored, cut, and pasted. Her personal sign is below. She says it is a judge banging his hammer and telling the government guys to stop wasting money.
The large sign she carried at the tea party was this one:
Joy's opinion was brief, but heartfelt:
"Stop taking my money, I'm just a kid and that is RUDE." 
I tried to make this a true learning opportunity and not just have it be about me using the kids holding signs for a good photo op. At several points when we were disucssing the wording, they wanted to include epithets like "stinky-head" and I made sure to tell them that even when we don't like them, we must respect them. The way to change things is not to call ugly names, but to first ask them to stop, and if that doesn't work, tell them that we won't choose them again next time. ... I think they learned that lesson better than many adults I know. 
As far as the gathering itself, I was pleased with the results. It was a very cold and wet day, but I know there were several hundred people there. We got there a bit late and stayed for about an hour. I know that at least one Congressman was there, hopefully he got the message.
For the most part the signs were quite bipartisan, addressing the issues and not trying to lay blame on one party or another.
Yes, Jonny was there, you can see the top of his bumble bee hat in the picture with Uncle Sam above.
I think that all in all, it was a great opportunity for the kids to see and participate, and it certainly made it more interesting for them than just having a lesson about it.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Things that make me go hmmmm....
I just got an email asking me to go sign a petition to stop Obama from repealing the Conscience Clause, a legislation allowing medical workers to be excused from performing medical procedures or even offering medical advice that they are morally opposed to. Of course the big deal is about abortion but it actually covers anything from birth control to vaccinations, or anything else that someone may find themselves morally opposed to doing.
At first glance, of course, we should all jump on and not want this repealed. No one should be forced to participate in a procedure, medical or otherwise that they feel is wrong!
Except,
uh,
no one is FORCING anyone.
What happened to the individual standing up for their beliefs?
Have we SERIOUSLY come so far away from personal responsibility that we need the government to give us a free pass so that we can take our morally superior position but not have to really stand up for it?
Of course it's possible that I have indeed missed something. That if this is repealed then doctors and nurses are facing jail time for not performing abortions. But I find that hard to believe.
I think they are possibly facing censure at work, maybe even having their jobs threatened.
I'm not making light of that, I'm truly not.
However, to say that (as the petition in question was worded) if this is repealed then health care workers will be FORCED into doing things they find morally wrong, well, it's just isn't true.
If I can't face opposition or even the possibility of losing my job to stand up for my convictions... I don't think they are much of a conviction. A preference sure, but a conviction?
Let me clarify, I hope that the longstanding (30 years) protection allowing healthcare workers to opt out of abortion is left intact--from what I can read, it is not being threatened, it's the very new legislation (enacted inauguration morning) that is going to be repealed. I'm honestly not sure of the implications of the new wording and how it differs from this old legislation. Also, since this legislation was only enacted 2 months ago, how is its removal really going to effect anyone? Bush was in office for 8 years. If this was THAT important, why wasn't it brought about sooner? Methinks it was done merely to make a point... and that it was done with the full expectation that it would immediately be repealed. GREAT use of our tax dollars, hey? Of course, it has served a higher purpose of giving the Right a new maypole to dance around, that's always nice.
(no way, my tongue is no where near my cheek!)
My point is... when is a conviction a conviction? When is it a preference? Are you willing to lose your job to stand up for what you think is right?
My real issue is with the wording of the petition... very whiny, self-righteous, if the gov't won't give me an umbrella to hide under then there is nothing I can do about it.
Bull-ony (that's Bologna for those of you who don't spell phonetically).
I think what the issue here is that we have been living fat and happy in the land of the free for so long that we have NO idea what it would be like to face real opposition for our beliefs, religious or otherwise.
One good thing that did come out of this is that Jeff and I had quite a discussion hammering out which of our actions are based on conviction and which are based on preference. For instance, we discovered that while we feel very strongly about homeschooling, homeschooling is not a conviction and we would not go to jail over it. Parents raising their children is the conviction and homeschooling is a great way to act upon that conviction. That conviction would be directly thwarted if they were taken away from us while we were jailed. Of course, that is a worst case scenario (although one that is entirely too real in much of Europe) and we continue to support our homeschool legislative group to protect our right to act upon our conviction.
So anyway... I'll be worried if they try to repeal the long-standing law protecting health care providers moral choice; The future nurses of AMerica or whatever that group is needs to grow up and stop whining, or at least stop the gross misrepresentation shown by that petition; and, it does one good to occasionally stop and take stock in what you truly believe.
At first glance, of course, we should all jump on and not want this repealed. No one should be forced to participate in a procedure, medical or otherwise that they feel is wrong!
Except,
uh,
no one is FORCING anyone.
What happened to the individual standing up for their beliefs?
Have we SERIOUSLY come so far away from personal responsibility that we need the government to give us a free pass so that we can take our morally superior position but not have to really stand up for it?
Of course it's possible that I have indeed missed something. That if this is repealed then doctors and nurses are facing jail time for not performing abortions. But I find that hard to believe.
I think they are possibly facing censure at work, maybe even having their jobs threatened.
I'm not making light of that, I'm truly not.
However, to say that (as the petition in question was worded) if this is repealed then health care workers will be FORCED into doing things they find morally wrong, well, it's just isn't true.
If I can't face opposition or even the possibility of losing my job to stand up for my convictions... I don't think they are much of a conviction. A preference sure, but a conviction?
Let me clarify, I hope that the longstanding (30 years) protection allowing healthcare workers to opt out of abortion is left intact--from what I can read, it is not being threatened, it's the very new legislation (enacted inauguration morning) that is going to be repealed. I'm honestly not sure of the implications of the new wording and how it differs from this old legislation. Also, since this legislation was only enacted 2 months ago, how is its removal really going to effect anyone? Bush was in office for 8 years. If this was THAT important, why wasn't it brought about sooner? Methinks it was done merely to make a point... and that it was done with the full expectation that it would immediately be repealed. GREAT use of our tax dollars, hey? Of course, it has served a higher purpose of giving the Right a new maypole to dance around, that's always nice.
(no way, my tongue is no where near my cheek!)
My point is... when is a conviction a conviction? When is it a preference? Are you willing to lose your job to stand up for what you think is right?
My real issue is with the wording of the petition... very whiny, self-righteous, if the gov't won't give me an umbrella to hide under then there is nothing I can do about it.
Bull-ony (that's Bologna for those of you who don't spell phonetically).
I think what the issue here is that we have been living fat and happy in the land of the free for so long that we have NO idea what it would be like to face real opposition for our beliefs, religious or otherwise.
One good thing that did come out of this is that Jeff and I had quite a discussion hammering out which of our actions are based on conviction and which are based on preference. For instance, we discovered that while we feel very strongly about homeschooling, homeschooling is not a conviction and we would not go to jail over it. Parents raising their children is the conviction and homeschooling is a great way to act upon that conviction. That conviction would be directly thwarted if they were taken away from us while we were jailed. Of course, that is a worst case scenario (although one that is entirely too real in much of Europe) and we continue to support our homeschool legislative group to protect our right to act upon our conviction.
So anyway... I'll be worried if they try to repeal the long-standing law protecting health care providers moral choice; The future nurses of AMerica or whatever that group is needs to grow up and stop whining, or at least stop the gross misrepresentation shown by that petition; and, it does one good to occasionally stop and take stock in what you truly believe.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
A Challenge
I receive on an average of 4-5 email forwards per day, many (perhaps 75%) of them on the subject of patriotism.
I get the ones featuring beautiful pictures of the flag and soaring eagles; I get ones containing prayers for our military; I get ones trying to convince me that our new Commander in Chief is the antichrist; I get ones (or maybe it's the same one over and over for the past 10 years!) from some Canadian guy who feels like the USA gets a bum rap in the international community.
I am here today to offer a challenge. I do not necessarily subscribe to the fear mongering that goes on in the name of preserving true American values, but I DO understand that our nation is under a lot of stress right now. I may not be be a die-hard GOP, but one thing is for sure, I am against big government, and the things going on right now in DC are the harbingers of a humongous, swallow-us-whole, monster of a big government.
You care about our country, right? Of course you do, or you wouldn't keep opening and forwarding those emails urging us all to love Jesus and the USA.
For one day, instead of forwarding emails that warn you that deleting is a sure sign of communism in your heart, take real action. I challenge you to take 3 minutes and call your representative. Tell him or her that you are AGAINST the government being allowed to take over private companies in the name of "saving the economy", tell them that the American people are smart enough to make their own decisions about toy safety and to put a stop to the CSPIA that is threatening thousands of small, American businesses. Tell them that our military should NOT be required to start footing even part of the bill for their health care, and that reassessing the state of VA benefit recipients for the sole purpose of UN-qualifying as many as possible to save money is NOT an acceptable way to save government money.
Choose the current event that bothers you most and make your voice heard. I know that we often think that our one voice doesn't really matter. But, it does. In the fall of 2008 a small grassroots effort grew into a force so powerful that the voices of individual micro-businesses were actually heard and we received a reprieve on the CSPIA that would have made our businesses illegal. The fight is not over, but it was proven that DC DOES listen!
Follow the LINK to get information on how to contact your representative.
Go on, do it, I dare you!
I get the ones featuring beautiful pictures of the flag and soaring eagles; I get ones containing prayers for our military; I get ones trying to convince me that our new Commander in Chief is the antichrist; I get ones (or maybe it's the same one over and over for the past 10 years!) from some Canadian guy who feels like the USA gets a bum rap in the international community.
I am here today to offer a challenge. I do not necessarily subscribe to the fear mongering that goes on in the name of preserving true American values, but I DO understand that our nation is under a lot of stress right now. I may not be be a die-hard GOP, but one thing is for sure, I am against big government, and the things going on right now in DC are the harbingers of a humongous, swallow-us-whole, monster of a big government.
You care about our country, right? Of course you do, or you wouldn't keep opening and forwarding those emails urging us all to love Jesus and the USA.
For one day, instead of forwarding emails that warn you that deleting is a sure sign of communism in your heart, take real action. I challenge you to take 3 minutes and call your representative. Tell him or her that you are AGAINST the government being allowed to take over private companies in the name of "saving the economy", tell them that the American people are smart enough to make their own decisions about toy safety and to put a stop to the CSPIA that is threatening thousands of small, American businesses. Tell them that our military should NOT be required to start footing even part of the bill for their health care, and that reassessing the state of VA benefit recipients for the sole purpose of UN-qualifying as many as possible to save money is NOT an acceptable way to save government money.
Choose the current event that bothers you most and make your voice heard. I know that we often think that our one voice doesn't really matter. But, it does. In the fall of 2008 a small grassroots effort grew into a force so powerful that the voices of individual micro-businesses were actually heard and we received a reprieve on the CSPIA that would have made our businesses illegal. The fight is not over, but it was proven that DC DOES listen!
Follow the LINK to get information on how to contact your representative.
Go on, do it, I dare you!
Monday, March 16, 2009
some days, life is just good.
The other day we made plans to go to the park and meet some friends. It was the last beautiful day (weather-wise) for a while, so we went and while it was nothing fancy, it was just so nice. The kids had so much fun, they played so well, Jonny went to sleep for a long time, and I was able to sit and visit with my good friend while our kids played. It was really a GOOD day.
Thursday was the kids' last class of swim lessons. They each got a little certificate saying they had finished and listing the skills they had mastered. When Jeff got home from school, I called them in very ceremoniously and let them present their certificate to their daddy and read off all the achievements. They were so excited that they were actually nervous... It was so sweet to watch them show daddy what they had done. It was just a really GOOD time.
This weekend we went up to Great-Papa's for a multi-birthday party. Great-Papa (Jeff's grandfather), Little Grandma (Jeff's mom), cousin Seth, and second cousin Sophia all have their birthdays within a week of each other. It was so nice to see some of the Aunts, Uncles, and cousins that we haven't seen for a while, and the kids were so excited to see their baby cousin. I ended up having the opportunity to teach one of the teenage cousins how to knit. I love sharing my favorite things with other people and this time was particularly fun because she caught on SO quickly. I don't think I've every shown anyone who picked it up so fast. It was very rewarding to share this craft that is such a big part of my life with the "young generation." It was GOOD.
I think that I often get so caught up in the frustrations of everyday. like laundry, or dishes. auugh. it doesn't matter how many loads of clothes or dishes we do... there are ALWAYS more dirty sitting there waiting. That is truly one of the most frustrating things for me. I need to make sure that I pay equal emotional attention to the good things. It's easy to be grateful for huge "good days" like vacations, I need to make sure that I am recognizing the small good days, or even harder, the good moments in a not-so-great day.
Thursday was the kids' last class of swim lessons. They each got a little certificate saying they had finished and listing the skills they had mastered. When Jeff got home from school, I called them in very ceremoniously and let them present their certificate to their daddy and read off all the achievements. They were so excited that they were actually nervous... It was so sweet to watch them show daddy what they had done. It was just a really GOOD time.
This weekend we went up to Great-Papa's for a multi-birthday party. Great-Papa (Jeff's grandfather), Little Grandma (Jeff's mom), cousin Seth, and second cousin Sophia all have their birthdays within a week of each other. It was so nice to see some of the Aunts, Uncles, and cousins that we haven't seen for a while, and the kids were so excited to see their baby cousin. I ended up having the opportunity to teach one of the teenage cousins how to knit. I love sharing my favorite things with other people and this time was particularly fun because she caught on SO quickly. I don't think I've every shown anyone who picked it up so fast. It was very rewarding to share this craft that is such a big part of my life with the "young generation." It was GOOD.
I think that I often get so caught up in the frustrations of everyday. like laundry, or dishes. auugh. it doesn't matter how many loads of clothes or dishes we do... there are ALWAYS more dirty sitting there waiting. That is truly one of the most frustrating things for me. I need to make sure that I pay equal emotional attention to the good things. It's easy to be grateful for huge "good days" like vacations, I need to make sure that I am recognizing the small good days, or even harder, the good moments in a not-so-great day.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
The value of a SAHM / Frugal tips
So I envision this becoming very long and maybe it's not the very best forum for what I would like to do, but it's what I've got so let's make it work. I STRONGLY desire feedback... this post will be useless without it! So your thoughts, your best tips, or links to your favorite blogs and sites are all most welcome.
Again we revisit the topic of being a SAHM (stay at home mom); specifically, in this time of so much financial upheaval, with so many people losing their jobs, is it really worthwhile to try and keep one potential wage earner at home?
First of all, this isn't to knock any mom who IS in the outside workforce, nor to suggest that she isn't being a good mommy if she is. My own mom (who is fabulous!) spent lots of time working due to our circumstances. I myself was a working mom for a few years- not really by choice, but making that sacrifice did enable Jeff to finish his education and get a good job that lets me stay home for the long run.
What I'd really like to focus on is how being a stay at home mom can actually be a financial plus for the family.
The first obvious benefit is that of not having to pay daycare or babysitting costs. Unless you have a super duper paying job, you will end up paying a big % of your income out for childcare.
Transportation cost- how much will it cost to get a second vehicle or even just gas and maintain the family's main vehicle to use it for your commute?
Wardrobe- Will you have extra wardrobe expenses to buy appropriate clothing for working outside the home.
Taxes- will the extra income put you at a disadvantage in income tax? Remember you don't get taxed on money you SAVE, only on money you earn! So learning how to SAVE $75 on your expenses is more valuable financially than is earning $75.
Psychological benefits- I know that it is hard (especially in our society when we are being told constantly that if we aren't earning then we aren't contributing) to "sit at home" when your husband is carrying the full load of providing on his own shoulders, but you need to consider what the extra stress of even a partime job will be on the family. Most of the time, even if both parents work, the mom is still the major worker at home. It just sort of happens this way. What happens is that we get a job to help our husband out, and end up being so stressed and overtired that he gets a grouchy wife. Mommy is the heart of the home. If Mommy is having a bad life, then so is everyone else. Regardless of the bon-bon rumor, most moms I know already have a full plate so adding more to it in the form of an outside job is really not good for the tone of the household.
So...what kind of things can we do to actively contribute to the financial success of the household? This is where you come in... I need your tips. Even if you think that everyone already knows it, post it. And as you read everyone else's tips, keep an open mind... not every tip will work for every household, but some of them might be just what you need.
I'll start.
We don't pay for TV (like cable or anything like that) we have a few shows we watch and we watch them online. You can watch Fox, NBC, ABC, CBS, etc online, also HULU.com is free and has many TV shows and even some movies for free.
Netflix is not free, but if you add in the availability of all the "watch instantly" movies available online, it may work out to be much less expensive than renting from a movie store.
We don't have cell phones. Well, we DO have cell phones, but not a plan. We get prepaid minutes from Tracfone to use for trips. Yes, the airtime does expire eventually, but paying $20 every 4-6 months to renew the phone number and get more airtime is far cheaper than any monthly plan we have ever found. Also, I never just buy it, I always search for coupon codes and get lots of free minutes.
Speaking of, coupon codes. If you are buying online, ALWAYS search for coupon codes first. I almost always at least get free shipping, if not a % off. just type in the company you are ordering from and "coupon code" in the search engine and stuff comes up. the sites are coupon cabin, retail me not, coupon codes and a bunch more.
Ebay is only a good deal SOMETIMES. I did get several super deals for Christmas gifts (a $100+ Thomas Train set for $35 including shipping) but I have also many times seen things go way too high, like within $2 of retail price plus shipping, so make sure you shop around first, especially for books, try half.com first.
For about $35 plus supplies, you can take Wilton Cake decorating classes at your local craft supply store. By the time you finish level 1, you can definitely start doing kids birthday cakes for yourself and friends, by the time you do level 2, you (with practice!) should be able to start selling them. I am out of practice now, but when I only had Joey and Jessi, I was getting orders probably once a month for birthday and baby shower cakes, mostly from church. It's not a ton of money, but it helps.
I cloth diaper. There is some question about the cost of extra laundry, but in our experience, buying disposable diapers does cost more, at least for us.
Buying bulk is a good idea sometimes. I can buy a huge bag of pancake mix from Sams for far less than buying JIffy at the grocery store. I know there are plenty of recipes out there to make your own baking mix, but the huge bags of Krusteez brand at Sams is about the same as buying all the ingredients and mixing it myself.
We recently discovered that our produce market has FAR better quality beef than the grocery store does, and for much less $.
For our family, the biggest enemy of staying on grocery budget is not having dinner ready and thus "having" to buy convenience food or go out to eat. My biggest defense against that is having a stock of freezer meals on hand. Yes, we have a plan, but to be frank, I don't stay on plan really well. I've blogged before about doing up bulk freezer meals so I won't do it again, but it REALLY helps prevent those don't-have-anything-for-supper burger and pizza runs.
We do like eating out every so often, and for us, the most frugal way to accomplish this is our local Chinese take-out place. Guess what... I can make white rice here for pennies... and ask them to substitute the rice for another side dish.
I also want to mention the option of bartering. As a society, we don't generally think of this, but it really does work. I was able to do a LOT of bartering this past year for Christmas gifts. Also, think about bartering or trading services such as babysitting. I used to clean in exchange for chiropractic treatments.
Please use the comment section to add your own best hints and links! Share ideas for cheap dates, cheap or free entertainment, and of course, how to lower household bills.
Thanks!
Again we revisit the topic of being a SAHM (stay at home mom); specifically, in this time of so much financial upheaval, with so many people losing their jobs, is it really worthwhile to try and keep one potential wage earner at home?
First of all, this isn't to knock any mom who IS in the outside workforce, nor to suggest that she isn't being a good mommy if she is. My own mom (who is fabulous!) spent lots of time working due to our circumstances. I myself was a working mom for a few years- not really by choice, but making that sacrifice did enable Jeff to finish his education and get a good job that lets me stay home for the long run.
What I'd really like to focus on is how being a stay at home mom can actually be a financial plus for the family.
The first obvious benefit is that of not having to pay daycare or babysitting costs. Unless you have a super duper paying job, you will end up paying a big % of your income out for childcare.
Transportation cost- how much will it cost to get a second vehicle or even just gas and maintain the family's main vehicle to use it for your commute?
Wardrobe- Will you have extra wardrobe expenses to buy appropriate clothing for working outside the home.
Taxes- will the extra income put you at a disadvantage in income tax? Remember you don't get taxed on money you SAVE, only on money you earn! So learning how to SAVE $75 on your expenses is more valuable financially than is earning $75.
Psychological benefits- I know that it is hard (especially in our society when we are being told constantly that if we aren't earning then we aren't contributing) to "sit at home" when your husband is carrying the full load of providing on his own shoulders, but you need to consider what the extra stress of even a partime job will be on the family. Most of the time, even if both parents work, the mom is still the major worker at home. It just sort of happens this way. What happens is that we get a job to help our husband out, and end up being so stressed and overtired that he gets a grouchy wife. Mommy is the heart of the home. If Mommy is having a bad life, then so is everyone else. Regardless of the bon-bon rumor, most moms I know already have a full plate so adding more to it in the form of an outside job is really not good for the tone of the household.
So...what kind of things can we do to actively contribute to the financial success of the household? This is where you come in... I need your tips. Even if you think that everyone already knows it, post it. And as you read everyone else's tips, keep an open mind... not every tip will work for every household, but some of them might be just what you need.
I'll start.
We don't pay for TV (like cable or anything like that) we have a few shows we watch and we watch them online. You can watch Fox, NBC, ABC, CBS, etc online, also HULU.com is free and has many TV shows and even some movies for free.
Netflix is not free, but if you add in the availability of all the "watch instantly" movies available online, it may work out to be much less expensive than renting from a movie store.
We don't have cell phones. Well, we DO have cell phones, but not a plan. We get prepaid minutes from Tracfone to use for trips. Yes, the airtime does expire eventually, but paying $20 every 4-6 months to renew the phone number and get more airtime is far cheaper than any monthly plan we have ever found. Also, I never just buy it, I always search for coupon codes and get lots of free minutes.
Speaking of, coupon codes. If you are buying online, ALWAYS search for coupon codes first. I almost always at least get free shipping, if not a % off. just type in the company you are ordering from and "coupon code" in the search engine and stuff comes up. the sites are coupon cabin, retail me not, coupon codes and a bunch more.
Ebay is only a good deal SOMETIMES. I did get several super deals for Christmas gifts (a $100+ Thomas Train set for $35 including shipping) but I have also many times seen things go way too high, like within $2 of retail price plus shipping, so make sure you shop around first, especially for books, try half.com first.
For about $35 plus supplies, you can take Wilton Cake decorating classes at your local craft supply store. By the time you finish level 1, you can definitely start doing kids birthday cakes for yourself and friends, by the time you do level 2, you (with practice!) should be able to start selling them. I am out of practice now, but when I only had Joey and Jessi, I was getting orders probably once a month for birthday and baby shower cakes, mostly from church. It's not a ton of money, but it helps.
I cloth diaper. There is some question about the cost of extra laundry, but in our experience, buying disposable diapers does cost more, at least for us.
Buying bulk is a good idea sometimes. I can buy a huge bag of pancake mix from Sams for far less than buying JIffy at the grocery store. I know there are plenty of recipes out there to make your own baking mix, but the huge bags of Krusteez brand at Sams is about the same as buying all the ingredients and mixing it myself.
We recently discovered that our produce market has FAR better quality beef than the grocery store does, and for much less $.
For our family, the biggest enemy of staying on grocery budget is not having dinner ready and thus "having" to buy convenience food or go out to eat. My biggest defense against that is having a stock of freezer meals on hand. Yes, we have a plan, but to be frank, I don't stay on plan really well. I've blogged before about doing up bulk freezer meals so I won't do it again, but it REALLY helps prevent those don't-have-anything-for-supper burger and pizza runs.
We do like eating out every so often, and for us, the most frugal way to accomplish this is our local Chinese take-out place. Guess what... I can make white rice here for pennies... and ask them to substitute the rice for another side dish.
I also want to mention the option of bartering. As a society, we don't generally think of this, but it really does work. I was able to do a LOT of bartering this past year for Christmas gifts. Also, think about bartering or trading services such as babysitting. I used to clean in exchange for chiropractic treatments.
Please use the comment section to add your own best hints and links! Share ideas for cheap dates, cheap or free entertainment, and of course, how to lower household bills.
Thanks!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Every so often I will get some comments or questions that make me realize that it is time to share (again) what is behind my particular parenting style.
I realize that many of you do things quite a bit differently, and that is ok. I welcome dialogue.
I realize that this ended up being VERY long, please, if you don't have time, the heart of what I would like to communicate is in the last three paragraphs. I urge you to look at that.
First of all… it is entirely possible to come to these conclusions without ever reading Dr. Sears. I have figured out after the fact that what I do is commonly termed Attachment Parenting. If you are familiar with the work of Gary Ezzo, that (A.P. methods) is akin to sorcery. I will withhold my opinion of Ezzo except to urge anyone planning to read his books and take his advice to do your research. There is a mountain of controversy surrounding his teaching and following it blindly can be of great detriment to your intended purpose.
So, what attachment parenting is not: it is not a reckless, unruly home, with domineering babies and cowering parents, it is not about developing an unhealthy co-dependency with your children, it is not about the home being child-centered to the exclusion of the husband. Our practices (such as baby-wearing or extended breastfeeding) do not contribute to children not growing and developing normally.
We have 4 children, aged 7 years, 5 years, 3 years, and 5 months. They have all, to some extent or another been raised AP style. Some of the “sillier” questions I have been asked (and actually, I’m GLAD the person asked… I’d much rather they do that than just assume and have wrong ideas) include:
You wear the baby around in that sling all day, how can it learn to sit up or walk or anything? –
Hmmm. My first baby walked at age 8 months, the second at 9 months. Number three was slow… she waited until she was 13 months. The baby doesn’t walk yet… not sure if it’s the sling or the fact that he’s only 5 months old. :-) I do have some trepidation though, that he’s also going to be an early walker. At his 4 month baby check, they asked if he could lift his head. He proceeded to do a “crunch” and lift his head, neck, and shoulders, to about mid back. At present (5 months) he can sit up and balance himself for long periods of time while he plays.
So no, being worn does not stunt their muscle development or motor control. There are also many who think that being worn is better for the spine than sitting in a car seat carrier all day, and, worn babies tend away from Positional Plagiocephaly (head flattening) that can occur from many hours in the same position in swings, car seats, cribs, etc.
Breastfeeding for so long, and ALL the time! How? And Why?-
Trying to stay on subject here… but I do need to share this. After my first child was born, I was incredibly ill for some time, without diagnosis or treatment. Of all that I went through during that time, one of the few things that kept me going was nursing the baby. However, the illness also kept me from supplying all of the baby’s needs and we did supplement with formula and he eventually weaned at about 8-9 months. The next baby, the problem was mostly mental/emotional after the previous difficulty I did not trust my body to provide, and we also supplemented her, although she nursed until 13 months. Third baby, things were very different and we had a great nursing relationship until she was 30-31 months old.
I feed on cue (also known as on demand) and thus our feedings do not fall at precisely spaced intervals or last for pre-determined lengths of time. Feeding a baby is about far more than simply supplying nutritional needs; it is also the first communication, comfort, and bonding. I am of the school of thought that feels that babies need what they need, when they need it. Now of course, there are times when it is beyond my control and the baby simply HAS to wait. But those are few and far between and only happen by extraordinary circumstance, not simply because it is not yet feeding time.
As for extended nursing, what is thought of as an oddity in the US culture is common practice around most of the rest of the world. I also have some ideas about the philosophy of mothering, the respect for mothering, and our ingraining that breastfeeding should stop very early in the child’s life; namely the following. Our culture has trained us that it is fine and even normal for a child to be placed into the care of someone besides his mother from very early on. Daycares take babies from 6 weeks on. 6 WEEKS. Other civilized countries the mom takes a year or so off work when they have new babies. Here, 6-8 weeks is the norm, and 3-4 months considered very long. I absolutely think that there is a connection between the rush to get the baby off of depending on the breast and the rush to get the baby out of the care of the mother. Definitely a lot to explore there.
The baby sleeps with you? Really? Like WITH you?
Yes. Really. WITH me. And before you ask (although some have..) we have four kids in under 8 years, so yes.
Another thing that is gasped at here in the USA and is common around the world,is co-sleeping.
I can think of no other torture equal to that of expecting a new mom to get up out of bed and go to a different room to feed the baby… except perhaps, expecting that new mother to lay there and listen to the baby cry and tell her not to respond.
Co-sleeping = happy baby, happy mommy.
Of course there are right and wrong ways to do it. Done safely and correctly, there is no reason to think that co-sleeping is at all dangerous. Some studies show that co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding actually reduce the rate of SIDS deaths, but since I don’t want to get into fights about my study vs. your study, I won’t claim those numbers or post the link. We sort of fell into co-sleeping and have done it by choice since then.
But what about sleeping problems? Will the child sleep with you forever?
No. I promise that by the time they leave for college, they will be out of the bed.
Baby #1 was sleeping in his own bed through the night … well, I honestly don’t remember, but I know he was less than a year. Baby #2… you know, again, I don’t remember a specific age, but let’s put it this way, if it had been some sort of awful long time I think I would have remembered. Baby #3 (here is where some people get their A-HA! I-told-you-so moment…) was about 2.5 years, and we kicked her out because the new baby was imminent. However (and this is where I steal the thunder and proclaim that every baby is different, with different needs), current baby is 5 months, and has been sleeping through the night since a few weeks old, and has in fact, moved out of our bed and sleeps on a pallet beside me.
Attached parenting? What is that, some kind of way to keep your kids dependent on you?
Well, no. There is a school of thought that lays claim to the title, but as I've adopted and adapted it, to me it means a very natural way of parenting that keeps the baby feeling secure, gives the right surroundings for nurturing and thriving, and results in very secure, and independent children. The mantra is this… all kids are different, with different needs. I am given charge to train up a child in the way he should go. He, that one child, should go. I have to train up Joey differently than I do Jessica and differently than I do Joyana. Joey was naturally outgoing , he went to nursery at a very early age and loved it. Jessica would *probably have been fine as well. I say probably because she never had to go to a class alone, Joey was always still in the class and didn’t graduate out of it until after she had come in.
Enter Joyana.
No.
Way.
Not.
Happening.
We tried lots of things, even having Jessi go to the nursery with her. She was a VERY shy/attached/clingy/ needy (and why aren’t there any words that don’t sound negative for this?) baby and it took a long time for her to go willingly to class.
But here is the thing. I was told repeatedly to just drop her and MAKE her stay. I am SO glad that this didn’t happen until my 3rd baby and I had developed enough confidence as a mommy to smile sweetly and ignore it! What on earth is so important about nursery that I need to drop off a terrified 1 year old and leave her sobbing for mommy? In my opinion, nothing. Again and again I was told to just do it and make her learn. Hmm. Depends on what I want her to learn. However, her learning that mommy didn’t care to listen to what she had to “say” wasn’t something I desired. I am now very happy to say that she is a wonderfully bright, very well adjusted just turned 3 year old who LOVES going to class and prays for her teacher and all her classmates, by name, every night.
Interestingly enough, we found out (which you know if you have read my blog much at all) that she has an enamel deficiency and has very advanced tooth problems. Looking back, she got her teeth pretty late (was almost one) and underwent a “personality change” soon after, from a very happy baby to a clingy etc toddler, right about that time. Once treatment was begun and we started reconstructing her little mouth, she had another “personality change”--for the better. We strongly feel that she was probably in chronic pain for months and other than her crying and being clingy, had no way to tell us. I WISH I had known sooner, both to have gotten proper treatment and to get her out of pain sooner. However, barring that, I am SO glad that I didn’t add to her distress by ever “abandoning” her. I got MANY strange looks and even some less than understanding remarks about my carrying around an almost 2 year old in my pack all the time, but I’m confident that the hours spent in there, close to my heart, snugged to my breast, sleeping securely, gave her what little comfort I could.
---------------
Let me say this. I did not choose the label “Attached parenting”; I did not pick up a book and decide this would be a good way to do things.
This is what came naturally; this is what seemed most motherly.
I did not even hear of AP until someone hearing me talk about it asked if I was “AP”. So I went to an online community that was supposed to about AP and got royally FLAMED for my non-AP ways (we use various discipline that would not be PC to them). I got such an incredibly bad taste in my mouth about AP that it was several years before I comfortable using the term again. I realize that I still don’t fit the exact profile of a model AP-er (again the discipline thing), but I do find it a very useful term simply because much of what we arrived at for our own parenting style is very similar to them.
I’ve said before, my oldest is only 7. We have NOT arrived. I frequently feel quite stressed about the fact that we won’t know for another 15 years if we did it all “right” or not. But in the moments when I’m calm, when I’m not scared that I’ve ruined them all by making them get their own peanut butter bread and yogurt for lunch, I realize that they are, for the most part, happy, smart, very independent (as in, get your own lunch), and well on their way to being very useful engines, err… adults, for God’s Kingdom.
The heart of what I’m really trying to communicate is that there is no one RIGHT methodology. I’m very good friends with some ladies who I greatly admire as mothers and they do it VERY differently from the way our family does it. The key is to understand that God gave some very specific instructions in his Word about raising the family, and other instructions are not so specific. Am I teaching my children about the Lord? check. Binding the Word about their heads and wrists? Writing it on their hands? Check. Ok, good.
Please, young parents, don’t feel embarrassed or feel like you have to measure up to the way that other people’s families work. Do you know how much condemnation I used to be under because my kids didn’t take regular naps like all my friends did? Then I realized that … my kids are ok, I’m ok, our home is ok… I guess naps are optional! (I’m not talking about kids being overtired and stuff, I mean the moms who have kids go down from 10:23 until precisely 12:07.) Holding your baby is not going to spoil it or make it become a useless brat who can never serve as a missionary! It’s OK, there are a lot of things that are simply not anyone else’s business. Of course this isn’t about refusing to be teachable, read on.
Do I have things to learn from my more… “structured” sisters? Yes, by all means! Do they have things to learn from me? Astoundingly, yes. They do… and the dearest among them aren’t afraid to come ask. There is nothing sweeter than being able to share with a sister (who I have had up on a pedestal because of her neatness and organization) exactly how it is that you simply give the kids an egg carton, paper towel tubes, paper and tape and LET THEM BE… that a previously drawn up blueprint for the expected craft outcome is really not required! And there is nothing sweeter than in return, my being able to be REAL with her and saying… I need a little more format to my life… what can you suggest that will actually be workable for me?
The danger comes from thinking that you (or your favorite book) has the ONE way and anyone doing it differently is wrong, misled, or simply isn’t serious about godly parenting. God doesn’t care how long I breastfeed my child. God cares that I feed my child, keep him or her healthy and secure as befits the dearest blessing he can bestow upon us, and that when that child is able to, we can teach him that God is his Father, and that God is a shepherd who will tenderly take the broken and weary to him as a mother takes her child into her embrace and that those will be pictures that he understands and loves and that make him desire God.
I can use cloth diapers, wear my baby (and my Birkenstocks) and raise my kids for Jesus. You can use paper diapers, feed them soy, and still raise them for Jesus... although, I have to warn you, they will probably turn out to be republicans and won't be nearly as cool as mine are. :-)
I realize that many of you do things quite a bit differently, and that is ok. I welcome dialogue.
I realize that this ended up being VERY long, please, if you don't have time, the heart of what I would like to communicate is in the last three paragraphs. I urge you to look at that.
First of all… it is entirely possible to come to these conclusions without ever reading Dr. Sears. I have figured out after the fact that what I do is commonly termed Attachment Parenting. If you are familiar with the work of Gary Ezzo, that (A.P. methods) is akin to sorcery. I will withhold my opinion of Ezzo except to urge anyone planning to read his books and take his advice to do your research. There is a mountain of controversy surrounding his teaching and following it blindly can be of great detriment to your intended purpose.
So, what attachment parenting is not: it is not a reckless, unruly home, with domineering babies and cowering parents, it is not about developing an unhealthy co-dependency with your children, it is not about the home being child-centered to the exclusion of the husband. Our practices (such as baby-wearing or extended breastfeeding) do not contribute to children not growing and developing normally.
We have 4 children, aged 7 years, 5 years, 3 years, and 5 months. They have all, to some extent or another been raised AP style. Some of the “sillier” questions I have been asked (and actually, I’m GLAD the person asked… I’d much rather they do that than just assume and have wrong ideas) include:
You wear the baby around in that sling all day, how can it learn to sit up or walk or anything? –
Hmmm. My first baby walked at age 8 months, the second at 9 months. Number three was slow… she waited until she was 13 months. The baby doesn’t walk yet… not sure if it’s the sling or the fact that he’s only 5 months old. :-) I do have some trepidation though, that he’s also going to be an early walker. At his 4 month baby check, they asked if he could lift his head. He proceeded to do a “crunch” and lift his head, neck, and shoulders, to about mid back. At present (5 months) he can sit up and balance himself for long periods of time while he plays.
So no, being worn does not stunt their muscle development or motor control. There are also many who think that being worn is better for the spine than sitting in a car seat carrier all day, and, worn babies tend away from Positional Plagiocephaly (head flattening) that can occur from many hours in the same position in swings, car seats, cribs, etc.
Breastfeeding for so long, and ALL the time! How? And Why?-
Trying to stay on subject here… but I do need to share this. After my first child was born, I was incredibly ill for some time, without diagnosis or treatment. Of all that I went through during that time, one of the few things that kept me going was nursing the baby. However, the illness also kept me from supplying all of the baby’s needs and we did supplement with formula and he eventually weaned at about 8-9 months. The next baby, the problem was mostly mental/emotional after the previous difficulty I did not trust my body to provide, and we also supplemented her, although she nursed until 13 months. Third baby, things were very different and we had a great nursing relationship until she was 30-31 months old.
I feed on cue (also known as on demand) and thus our feedings do not fall at precisely spaced intervals or last for pre-determined lengths of time. Feeding a baby is about far more than simply supplying nutritional needs; it is also the first communication, comfort, and bonding. I am of the school of thought that feels that babies need what they need, when they need it. Now of course, there are times when it is beyond my control and the baby simply HAS to wait. But those are few and far between and only happen by extraordinary circumstance, not simply because it is not yet feeding time.
As for extended nursing, what is thought of as an oddity in the US culture is common practice around most of the rest of the world. I also have some ideas about the philosophy of mothering, the respect for mothering, and our ingraining that breastfeeding should stop very early in the child’s life; namely the following. Our culture has trained us that it is fine and even normal for a child to be placed into the care of someone besides his mother from very early on. Daycares take babies from 6 weeks on. 6 WEEKS. Other civilized countries the mom takes a year or so off work when they have new babies. Here, 6-8 weeks is the norm, and 3-4 months considered very long. I absolutely think that there is a connection between the rush to get the baby off of depending on the breast and the rush to get the baby out of the care of the mother. Definitely a lot to explore there.
The baby sleeps with you? Really? Like WITH you?
Yes. Really. WITH me. And before you ask (although some have..) we have four kids in under 8 years, so yes.
Another thing that is gasped at here in the USA and is common around the world,is co-sleeping.
I can think of no other torture equal to that of expecting a new mom to get up out of bed and go to a different room to feed the baby… except perhaps, expecting that new mother to lay there and listen to the baby cry and tell her not to respond.
Co-sleeping = happy baby, happy mommy.
Of course there are right and wrong ways to do it. Done safely and correctly, there is no reason to think that co-sleeping is at all dangerous. Some studies show that co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding actually reduce the rate of SIDS deaths, but since I don’t want to get into fights about my study vs. your study, I won’t claim those numbers or post the link. We sort of fell into co-sleeping and have done it by choice since then.
But what about sleeping problems? Will the child sleep with you forever?
No. I promise that by the time they leave for college, they will be out of the bed.
Baby #1 was sleeping in his own bed through the night … well, I honestly don’t remember, but I know he was less than a year. Baby #2… you know, again, I don’t remember a specific age, but let’s put it this way, if it had been some sort of awful long time I think I would have remembered. Baby #3 (here is where some people get their A-HA! I-told-you-so moment…) was about 2.5 years, and we kicked her out because the new baby was imminent. However (and this is where I steal the thunder and proclaim that every baby is different, with different needs), current baby is 5 months, and has been sleeping through the night since a few weeks old, and has in fact, moved out of our bed and sleeps on a pallet beside me.
Attached parenting? What is that, some kind of way to keep your kids dependent on you?
Well, no. There is a school of thought that lays claim to the title, but as I've adopted and adapted it, to me it means a very natural way of parenting that keeps the baby feeling secure, gives the right surroundings for nurturing and thriving, and results in very secure, and independent children. The mantra is this… all kids are different, with different needs. I am given charge to train up a child in the way he should go. He, that one child, should go. I have to train up Joey differently than I do Jessica and differently than I do Joyana. Joey was naturally outgoing , he went to nursery at a very early age and loved it. Jessica would *probably have been fine as well. I say probably because she never had to go to a class alone, Joey was always still in the class and didn’t graduate out of it until after she had come in.
Enter Joyana.
No.
Way.
Not.
Happening.
We tried lots of things, even having Jessi go to the nursery with her. She was a VERY shy/attached/clingy/ needy (and why aren’t there any words that don’t sound negative for this?) baby and it took a long time for her to go willingly to class.
But here is the thing. I was told repeatedly to just drop her and MAKE her stay. I am SO glad that this didn’t happen until my 3rd baby and I had developed enough confidence as a mommy to smile sweetly and ignore it! What on earth is so important about nursery that I need to drop off a terrified 1 year old and leave her sobbing for mommy? In my opinion, nothing. Again and again I was told to just do it and make her learn. Hmm. Depends on what I want her to learn. However, her learning that mommy didn’t care to listen to what she had to “say” wasn’t something I desired. I am now very happy to say that she is a wonderfully bright, very well adjusted just turned 3 year old who LOVES going to class and prays for her teacher and all her classmates, by name, every night.
Interestingly enough, we found out (which you know if you have read my blog much at all) that she has an enamel deficiency and has very advanced tooth problems. Looking back, she got her teeth pretty late (was almost one) and underwent a “personality change” soon after, from a very happy baby to a clingy etc toddler, right about that time. Once treatment was begun and we started reconstructing her little mouth, she had another “personality change”--for the better. We strongly feel that she was probably in chronic pain for months and other than her crying and being clingy, had no way to tell us. I WISH I had known sooner, both to have gotten proper treatment and to get her out of pain sooner. However, barring that, I am SO glad that I didn’t add to her distress by ever “abandoning” her. I got MANY strange looks and even some less than understanding remarks about my carrying around an almost 2 year old in my pack all the time, but I’m confident that the hours spent in there, close to my heart, snugged to my breast, sleeping securely, gave her what little comfort I could.
---------------
Let me say this. I did not choose the label “Attached parenting”; I did not pick up a book and decide this would be a good way to do things.
This is what came naturally; this is what seemed most motherly.
I did not even hear of AP until someone hearing me talk about it asked if I was “AP”. So I went to an online community that was supposed to about AP and got royally FLAMED for my non-AP ways (we use various discipline that would not be PC to them). I got such an incredibly bad taste in my mouth about AP that it was several years before I comfortable using the term again. I realize that I still don’t fit the exact profile of a model AP-er (again the discipline thing), but I do find it a very useful term simply because much of what we arrived at for our own parenting style is very similar to them.
I’ve said before, my oldest is only 7. We have NOT arrived. I frequently feel quite stressed about the fact that we won’t know for another 15 years if we did it all “right” or not. But in the moments when I’m calm, when I’m not scared that I’ve ruined them all by making them get their own peanut butter bread and yogurt for lunch, I realize that they are, for the most part, happy, smart, very independent (as in, get your own lunch), and well on their way to being very useful engines, err… adults, for God’s Kingdom.
The heart of what I’m really trying to communicate is that there is no one RIGHT methodology. I’m very good friends with some ladies who I greatly admire as mothers and they do it VERY differently from the way our family does it. The key is to understand that God gave some very specific instructions in his Word about raising the family, and other instructions are not so specific. Am I teaching my children about the Lord? check. Binding the Word about their heads and wrists? Writing it on their hands? Check. Ok, good.
Please, young parents, don’t feel embarrassed or feel like you have to measure up to the way that other people’s families work. Do you know how much condemnation I used to be under because my kids didn’t take regular naps like all my friends did? Then I realized that … my kids are ok, I’m ok, our home is ok… I guess naps are optional! (I’m not talking about kids being overtired and stuff, I mean the moms who have kids go down from 10:23 until precisely 12:07.) Holding your baby is not going to spoil it or make it become a useless brat who can never serve as a missionary! It’s OK, there are a lot of things that are simply not anyone else’s business. Of course this isn’t about refusing to be teachable, read on.
Do I have things to learn from my more… “structured” sisters? Yes, by all means! Do they have things to learn from me? Astoundingly, yes. They do… and the dearest among them aren’t afraid to come ask. There is nothing sweeter than being able to share with a sister (who I have had up on a pedestal because of her neatness and organization) exactly how it is that you simply give the kids an egg carton, paper towel tubes, paper and tape and LET THEM BE… that a previously drawn up blueprint for the expected craft outcome is really not required! And there is nothing sweeter than in return, my being able to be REAL with her and saying… I need a little more format to my life… what can you suggest that will actually be workable for me?
The danger comes from thinking that you (or your favorite book) has the ONE way and anyone doing it differently is wrong, misled, or simply isn’t serious about godly parenting. God doesn’t care how long I breastfeed my child. God cares that I feed my child, keep him or her healthy and secure as befits the dearest blessing he can bestow upon us, and that when that child is able to, we can teach him that God is his Father, and that God is a shepherd who will tenderly take the broken and weary to him as a mother takes her child into her embrace and that those will be pictures that he understands and loves and that make him desire God.
I can use cloth diapers, wear my baby (and my Birkenstocks) and raise my kids for Jesus. You can use paper diapers, feed them soy, and still raise them for Jesus... although, I have to warn you, they will probably turn out to be republicans and won't be nearly as cool as mine are. :-)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
memory verses
First off, I do NOT intend for this to become a "KJV only" debate. If you like that kind of thing, feel free to start one on your own blog. Thanks.
My fellow Christian parents who are striving to raise their kids for the Lord:
I keep thinking about this but haven't decided what route to take. I grew up on the KJV, that is what we memorized and read and heard preached. I do have a personal preference for it, simply because of it be familiar to me. I also very often read other versions/translations/paraphrases as part of Bible study. I'd like to get one of those Bibles that has several laid out beside each other on the same page. Just saying I have no problem with using other versions.
Now, the question is... I use selected memory verses frequently in the kids' training. They learn verses specific to their behaviors and attitudes. I have blogged about that before so I wont' go into it now, but I do need them to understand what they are learning, not just remember a string of words. I do of course break it down and explain it, but I also want the verse to be meaningful.
I have found that I really don't have a rhyme or reason to what version they learn, I will find a good verse and look it up on crosswalk and read many versions and pick the one that seems most clear and have them learn that one. I'm not sure if this random approach is the best though.
So... the question is, do I have them memorize the KJV and just explain it to them?
Sometimes it seems ok to use the other versions, but then sometimes, I just really want them to know the verses just as I know them. Case in point, Joey is learning Psalm 23 right now for Rangers Club. They have it in a different version...it is probably more understandable, but I just miss the lovely "classic" KJV language. It is ok for me to teach it to him our way, he will still get credit for it.
Am I stressing too much over this and I should just keep on teaching them the Word or is there a certain benefit to sticking with one translation? I am torn between the tradition of the KJV and the knowledge that it is important for them to UNDERSTAND the Word, not just memorize it.
thoughts please.
My fellow Christian parents who are striving to raise their kids for the Lord:
I keep thinking about this but haven't decided what route to take. I grew up on the KJV, that is what we memorized and read and heard preached. I do have a personal preference for it, simply because of it be familiar to me. I also very often read other versions/translations/paraphrases as part of Bible study. I'd like to get one of those Bibles that has several laid out beside each other on the same page. Just saying I have no problem with using other versions.
Now, the question is... I use selected memory verses frequently in the kids' training. They learn verses specific to their behaviors and attitudes. I have blogged about that before so I wont' go into it now, but I do need them to understand what they are learning, not just remember a string of words. I do of course break it down and explain it, but I also want the verse to be meaningful.
I have found that I really don't have a rhyme or reason to what version they learn, I will find a good verse and look it up on crosswalk and read many versions and pick the one that seems most clear and have them learn that one. I'm not sure if this random approach is the best though.
So... the question is, do I have them memorize the KJV and just explain it to them?
Sometimes it seems ok to use the other versions, but then sometimes, I just really want them to know the verses just as I know them. Case in point, Joey is learning Psalm 23 right now for Rangers Club. They have it in a different version...it is probably more understandable, but I just miss the lovely "classic" KJV language. It is ok for me to teach it to him our way, he will still get credit for it.
Am I stressing too much over this and I should just keep on teaching them the Word or is there a certain benefit to sticking with one translation? I am torn between the tradition of the KJV and the knowledge that it is important for them to UNDERSTAND the Word, not just memorize it.
thoughts please.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
peer pressure
Everyone else is doing it, so I will too.
without further ado... my list of needs according to google.
Jody needs:
Jody Needs a Kidney
Jody needs a custom mouthpiece.
Jody needs your help!
Jody needs more comments.
Jody needs a mailing address and federal ID number.
without further ado... my list of needs according to google.
Jody needs:
Jody Needs a Kidney
Jody needs a custom mouthpiece.
Jody needs your help!
Jody needs more comments.
Jody needs a mailing address and federal ID number.
Jody needs a home. Jody needs a man to handle her ... Jody needs a bathroom break. (I did NOT make that up.)
Pretty spot on, don'tcha think?
Pretty spot on, don'tcha think?
Friday, February 13, 2009
i'm so cool
ok, so it's not flames, but still, I'm thinkin' that my new tats are seriously stylin' on my mini-van.
check it out... my decals from the trade I did way back before Christmas with Shandi from Distinctive Decals . I finally got a nice day to put them on!
excuse the dirty van... it wasn't bad until I cleaned the areas I was about to decal...that made the rest of it look bad!
Here is the whole effect:
Our little stick figure family. I love these... I've wanted one for a long time.
My bus sticker. 
my cloth diaper sticker. I left this one big so you could see our license plate too. 
Thanks honey... both for the van and for letting me make it look like a total soccer-mom-mobile.
Thanks honey... both for the van and for letting me make it look like a total soccer-mom-mobile.
Monday, February 9, 2009
a great day to ride a bike
We've had some super cold days here recently, so when we had a lovely warm weekend, we took advantage of it. We went to toe nearby elementary school and used their empty parking lot to ride bikes. Jessi just got this big girl bike from Grandpa, it is probably a little too big, but she'll grow. Joey got his first bad bike wreck owie. I tried to convince him that this was a badge of honor, but he was not buying it.
Jessi did really well for the first time on a big bike. I think she would be ready to take the training wheels off soon, but the bike is so tall that she needs them in order to climb on.
Joy had a great time playing with her shadow. It was so cute!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
a Grandma post
Yep, that is fair warning that this will be endless pictures and gratuitious bragging about my kids. If you are my facebook friend you have probably seen these, but my mom told me that she NEEDS to see new pictures. Here you go Mom-mom!
Also... Blogger likes to put the pictures in the opposite order of how you uploaded them, and it takes a while to drag them all around, so in most cases, I have just left them in no order at all.
Jessi/Mopsie
Joey and Jonny, you have to look and try to see the faces Jonny is making...he's highly enjoying himself. It goes without saying that Joey loves it.
You'll see this picture a couple of times, I was just playing with lighting etc. I adore this... I couldn't have posed them like this if I had tried, just let them play and snapped away.
same picture without being fancied up
Jonny seems to be saying, "Hey, look at ME!"
Look at him sit up! 
there are pillows behind him but he's not leaning on them, he's looking up and holding himself up sitting.
Joey with his appliance. It is clear plastic... looks like he's sucking a giant icecube. He has his front teeth over it properly in this shot and you can see that even with it in the right place he can't close his mouth yet. Hopefully when we go back in 3 weeks they can trim some off.
Joy's first french braid!
Jessi and Jonny- the results of Jessi's mopsie
Hamming it up!
after I calmed it down a bit.
fresh off the rags
ready to go
still unrolling it.
Joey thinking his dreams are coming true.... however, no, Jonny did not sleep with him all night, I just tucked him in in the morning and let Joey wake up to Jonny's gentle eye pokes...
HI Mom-Mom!
Joey with Kiwi, Lizard, and Wooly Mammoth
Joey with his precious beanie babies (obviously not all of them....)
Joy reading her Veggie Tale book
Mmmmm, toes! Toes is sooooo ymmmy!
Bye!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
